Page 133 of Chosen Road

“Start the movie, Rubes.” I turned around to face the tv.

She cuddled in and pressed her shoulder to mine. “I can feel it. I can feel you struggling. I’m here, and Gus isn’t going anywhere.”

She pressed play and we sat quietly for a moment before I pushed my shoulder back into hers and sought her hand under the blanket.

Over the years, especially our teens, we passed a thousand nights exactly like this one, tucked into the couch, Ruby’s shoulder pressed against mine, our fingers intertwined under the blanket. I gave her a squeeze.

I recalled what Minty said to Jacqueline, remembered what I said to her. Though I revealed my vulnerability, my words empowered me. The wrong was hers, not mine, and sticking up for myself stripped away part of the shame that he momentarily chose someone else.

Not the grief, it didn’t touch the grief, but it weakened the shame.

I focused on the movie, ate the grilled cheese, drank the chocolate milk I didn’t even know we had. I wondered if Yiayia knew how I was feeling because this was my childhood comfort meal.

I snuck a glance at her to see her watching me pensively. I smiled. “Thank you, Yiayia. I didn’t even know I was hungry.”

“You have to listen to Yiayia,” she grumbled, then returned her attention to watching the movie.

By the time it was over, all the emotions from the day caught up with me, and I went upstairs to bed, exhausted and grieving.

When Gus called, I thanked him for the flowers, and assured him, when he repeatedly asked me what was wrong, that I was just tired.

I decided not to tell him about the bookstore. All we’d had was drama, and I didn’t want to add to it. There would be time enough to tell him after the wedding.

Chapter 44: One Choice

Amber

Thursday morning, the full affect of Mallory quitting, Gus’s absence, and the confrontation at the bookstore hit me. My stomach churned with anxiety and my mood plummeted.

The monumental task of getting out of bed required all my willpower. Leaving the house seemed like an impossible dream, my anxiety about Gus and Alex being on the road morphing into a sudden fear of driving. Anxiety and distress over the events of the past couple of days bled over into every other area of my life.

A heavy sadness, dark and bleak, shadowed me.

The knowledge that my young patients would be waiting for me was the only thing powerful enough to push me forward.

Downstairs, Yiayia and Ruby sat drinking coffee.

“Koukla mou!” Yiayia called. “Gus, he sent you another present. This one’s a plant!”

Ruby chortled. “Gus bought her a plant? What’s he got against botanicals?”

“Is a spider plant, koukla,” Yiayia explained. “You can’t kill a spider plant.”

My reputation with plants was, unfortunately, well deserved. I picked up the baby spider plant and examined it. It was pretty. I set it down on the window beside my cactus and gave them both a drink.

My cactus looked a bit piqued. I spun it so the opposite side would get the sunlight. Maybe I’d download one of those apps that diagnose plants. I ran my fingers lightly over the tiny prickles. If I was a plant, I’d most definitely be a cactus.

“You’re not going into work, Ruby?” I asked, surprised.

“Nope. I booked today and tomorrow off to prepare for Saturday.” She studied her nails. “I’m getting my nails done and my hair trimmed. Should I get falsies?” She considered the idea. “Naw…. Nobody wants a slice of fake fingernail in their poutine.”

“Gross,” I declared, pouring myself a cup of coffee. My voice seemed to come from far away, and I moved as though through water. I looked at the time. “I’ve gotta run. You okay, Yiayia? Not too much cooking. I know your cast is off, but your muscles are still weak. Take it easy. You don’t want to injure it again.”

“Weak. Bah! Yiayia is strong, poulaki mou. Don’t worry. Go to work and I see you for dinner. Both of you,” she ordered.

Ruby saluted her behind her back, and without turning, Yiayia muttered, “You’ll eat wood, Ruby mou.”

The sound of Ruby’s chortling accompanied me out the front door.

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