Page 125 of Chosen Road

I drew in a shuddering breath and twisted towards him, giving him my shaking hands. We needed, finally, to put this behind us.

“I need to know enough that my mind doesn’t fill in the blanks.”

He gripped my hands tightly. “Do you want me to give you the basic facts?”

“I want you to tell me what you would want to know if the roles were reversed.” I knew my husband. He would not want the details, but he would want to know what another man had seen or done to me, what I had seen or done to him.

He blew out a breath. “She ambushed me. I was angry and I allowed it to start. Disgust was the overwhelming emotion, disgust for her, me, and even you, and I stopped it. I told her I didn’t want her and that was the truth. She told me she knew you and I were having problems and that she thought we’d be good together. I told her it was not going to happen, and I wasn’t nice about it. I also told her we were going to meet with Nick to sort it out, and I left. The only thing I had on my mind as I left was that there was no way I could give up on us. I also knew I had to tell you what happened, and I worried that you might not be able to forgive me. I felt sick, then my chest hurt, I only wanted to get to you, and I vaguely remember going down. I don’t remember anything after that.”

“You weren’t nice about it?” I needed that. I needed to know he didn’t care about her feelings, especially after he left his position because of her, especially after what it did to me.

“I was not.” He paused. “There were f-bombs. I told her clearly that I didn’t want her and wouldn’t work with her.”

“How long did it last? How much touching and meeting of body parts was there? Did you take off her clothes? Yours?”

His chest expanded as he closed his eyes and inhaled, then met my eyes. “Amber, I’m sorry. I regret it. I regretted it immediately. I did not want her, I just wanted to be touched. As soon as she touched me, it lost its appeal. She was never any competition.”

I nodded and waited. I knew this was hard for both of us. Shameful for him, painful for me, but there was no other way to put it behind us.

“There was a brief kiss, she started to blow me, and I pulled away. I didn’t touch her other than her hair. She wore only underwear when I opened the bedroom door. She undid my pants. The entire episode lasted a minute.”

He held his breath and waited.

The flashes in my brain limited themselves to the picture he painted and added him angrily walking away. That she dared touch him enraged me, but I breathed through it. The quaking in my limbs gradually subsided, and I took a deep breath, as the forgiveness and acceptance I’d already extended to him absorbed the truth and covered it.

We’d been together nearly eighteen years, and eighteen years of memories spun through my mind in an instant. In every single one, Gus was loving me, adoring me, worshipping me.

“Thank you for telling me.”

For him to have betrayed me even to the point he had was almost unfathomable.

How badly he must have been hurting to engage in something so alien to his character.

In that moment, I stepped into his shoes. I felt his shame, his pain, and his remorse as if it were my own. And then it was my own.

I had to put this behind me, let it go or let him go. And I was never going to let him go.

I had to take responsibility for my part. Forgive me, forgive him.

I’d already forgiven him. I hadn’t forgiven myself.

I leaned towards him and lifted my mouth to his.

“Amber,” he whispered, meeting me halfway. He cupped my face in his big hands as he pressed his mouth to mine, his breathing raspy and uneven.

“Agapimeno mou.” A tear slid down my face for his pain. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Chapter 41: You’ll Be There?

Amber

Last night was intense. While the truth was easier to stomach than my imagination, it was still not easy. In fact, the past six weeks, beginning with Yiayia’s fall, had been a whirlwind and with the wedding in a little over a week, there seemed to be no end in sight.

I needed a breather.

A week.

One easy week leading up to Ruby’s wedding.

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