Page 40 of Chosen Road

He jumped up frantically. “I need more time than that! I have to pack my stuff for Yiayia’s tomorrow. Jace and I have plans.” He bustled around the room.

I opened my mouth to explain when he turned to me, his face hopeful. “Will you let him come in? Just for a few minutes to wait for me?”

The blood drained from my face and my voice failed me. His look of expectation faded. “That’s okay, Momma,” he said tiredly. “I’ll hurry.”

I cleared my throat as my thoughts raced and my heart ached in my chest. “No, Alex. You’re not going with Dad tonight. He’s coming here to visit you for a couple of hours. I’ll bring you to Dad after Yiayia’s tomorrow like we originally planned.”

He stopped in his tracks and stared at me. Only at that moment did I realize the balancing act he must constantly be performing.

“Is that okay, levendis mou?” I asked gently.

A radiant smile broke out over his face. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s great, Momma.”

I smiled back and quickly escaped to my bedroom.

What have you done? You ripped his life apart.

I sat on my bed, folded in half over my knees. I could hear him shuffling around in the games room, likely preparing something to play with Gus. The monotonous tone of the microwave droned on faintly. I pulled in a breath.

This was the first time I’d allowed Gus to come over for a visit. I couldn’t believe how cleanly I’d cut him out of my life. I swallowed back the bile rising from my stomach. I’d forced Alex to live in two completely separate spheres. I needed to rectify that.

I went into the bathroom to freshen up. The mirror showed a pale-faced woman, eyes stark with pain. Could I let him back in?

Thoughts of him with Jacqueline assailed my senses. Flashes of her wrists locked in his big hand, her curvy body writhing under his, his mouth on her neck as he drove inside, her painted nails digging into his ass urging him on, his hand on her thigh, opening her up further to him, giving her what I gave away.

I sat down hard on the toilet and pressed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets and rocked.

You don’t even know what happened.

I got up and splashed my face with cold water and leveled a stare at my reflection. “You do know what happened. You need to get past it or let him go.”

I watched the water drip down my face, and if there were tears mixed in, I pretended not to notice them.

I dried my face. I had briefly planned to put on a bit of make-up but no longer had it in me to care.

Alex was still in the games room when I made it back to the family room. The microwave dinged intermittently, reminding me that it had stopped. I checked the temperature of the pastitsio and put it in for another minute. Gus liked his food hot. The doorbell rang and Alex yelled from his room. “I’ll be there in a minute, Momma!”

I crossed to the door and opened it, a tight smile on my face.

As Gus studied me, the tentative smile he wore faded.

“Amber,” he whispered. “Do you want me to go?”

“No, Gus,” I said decisively. “I want you to come in.”

He stepped over the threshold and held out his hand with four grocery store bouquets in his big fist.

I looked up, startled. It had been so long since he brought me flowers. “Four?”

“One wasn’t enough,” he replied gruffly.

I buried my nose in the blooms, but it did nothing to muffle my sob.

He closed the front door gently and reached for me, but I jumped away. He looked at the floor, his hands loose on his lean hips.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He shook his head. “No, Amber. I’m sorry.”

---