Page 27 of Chosen Road

“What’s the sliver?” I demanded.

My insides shriveled and cramped. I did and did not want to know. The thought of him with her, with anyone, pierced my heart and squashed my lungs, but I could not help picturing her wrists locked in his big hand, her thigh lifted high around his waist as his powerful body drove inside her. Her hearing his sounds that were mine. Her hair wrapped in his fist. Her hands dragging down his back as he moved over her in a dance we had at one time perfected.

His face fell, and I turned away, pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes.

“So, the sliver is bad enough that you don’t want to tell me,” I whispered into my hands.

“I don’t ever want to think about it again,” he whispered back. “Amber, don’t close the door on us. I promise,” his voice broke, and he swallowed. “I promise, when I remember, I’ll tell you the truth. I can promise you that nothing ever happened before that day. I only want you. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

“Then what happened?”

His face looked pained. “I don’t know. I can’t remember anything after dinner the night before.”

“That seems fortuitous,” I whispered bitterly, my lip trembling. “I’ve known for awhile that she wanted you.”

He acquiesced, “Lately, there were a couple of hints, but I was aware and had every intention of making it clear that I was not interested. I don’t know what happened, Amber. It doesn’t make any sense.”

He reached out his hand to touch my face, but I reeled away from him, repulsed. “You touched her! You don’t get to touch me!”

His hand dropped like a dead weight, and he looked down at the floor. He pulled in a breath through his open mouth, and I watched his wide chest expand and release.

“We are not going to solve anything right now. Can we agree to that at least?”

Gus

Desperate to buy some time, I knew if I could convince her to make this a trial, we might have a chance to find our way back to one another.

I remembered the day I picked up the divorce papers, positive she no longer loved me. She never initiated sex and rarely responded positively when I did. My very existence seemed to irritate her. She worked constantly, bringing work home and staying up well into the night. For a few hours between dinner and Alex’s bedtime she put it down, but as soon as I went to bed, she was back at it. I told her how I was feeling, asked her to go for counseling with me, explained to her that I couldn’t live the way we were living, but she dismissed my concerns and became agitated by my ‘constant demands’.

I gave up, but over the past several weeks, I saw a different side of Amber, one I hadn’t seen in far too long, one I never imagined I’d see again.

She took a leave from work.

She fluttered around making sure I was comfortable, and worry creased her brow when I was not.

She laughed at my dumb jokes and sat close beside me on the couch.

She looked at me like she used to.

She allowed me to love her in the cocoon of our bed, and her body responded under my hands.

I began to see the accident as a blessing, a wake-up call, a second chance for us to start again. The only thing that confused me were her tears deep in the night.

Now I understood.

“Can we agree on that?” I prodded.

She nodded slowly, and begrudgingly answered, “Yes.”

“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Let’s tell Alex we just need some time apart. We can tell him married people have problems sometimes and this is one way they sort them out.”

The front door opened, and I looked at her desperately. She offered a perfunctory nod.

“Thank you.” I closed my eyes in relief.

The front door slammed shut, and Alex barreled into the family room ready to take on the weekend, his voice leading the way.

“You will never guess what Thia Ruby did!” he began excitedly “She said we were going to bake cookies and muffins and let us have a carwash for our bikes. Jace tricked her to get her outside, I closed the back door sooo quick, and we sprayed her with the hose.”

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