Page 124 of Chosen Road

I didn’t do it.

I didn’t fucking do it.

Adrenalin coursed through my veins.

Okay, it wasn’t totally good news, but at least I didn’t touch her, at least I didn’t go through with it. And at least it’s better than what Amber assumed all these months.

What I assumed all these months.

I wasn’t proud of what happened. It never should have happened. But knowing I walked away went a long fucking away to reassuring myself that I at least knew who the fuck I was.

Amber

I arrived home from work to find Gus tense and on edge.

When he asked Yiayia if she could sit and watch a movie with Alex while we went out for a coffee, I began to worry.

He parked the car outside a coffee shop, not our regular one, and now, on top of tense and on edge, he looked nervous.

My stomach quivered with butterflies, not the good kind. I rolled my lips between my teeth, then asked, “Are we going in?”

At my question, he blew out a breath. “Amber, honey, I told you I would be honest with you about what happened if I ever remembered.”

He remembered. He had the image of another woman in his head, in his memory. The agony hit me immediately. “Oh, God,” I moaned.

He rushed to reassure me. “I don’t have to tell you. We don’t have to talk about it. I would like you to know one thing.”

I sat forward and pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes. Pictures of Jacqueline writhing underneath my husband burned into my brain like an acid peel. Worse than that was the fact that he now had those pictures of her in his head. My limbs began to quake uncontrollably.

He placed his hand on my back, I instinctively jerked away from him, and he withdrew.

I looked at him sideways, my teeth chattering. “Am I or am I not yours?”

“You’re mine,” he stated firmly.

“Then don’t back away!” I yelled, my voice shrill and panicky. “Oh, God. How bad is it?”

He splayed his fingers and pressed his hand to my back, with the other he reached for and held my hand. “I didn’t go through with it.”

I heard the words but struggled with the meaning. “What?”

“I didn’t go through with it.”

“Was it planned?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“No.” He shook his head vehemently. “She called and said she required my assistance at a home we were staging. It irritated me to have to go. I was angry, sad, and feeling hopeless about us. I thought our marriage was over. She was waiting for me.”

I let go of his hand and rocked forward in my seat. I covered my face with my hands. How much did I really want to know?

Nothing.

I did not want any of this knowledge, but I knew myself. If I didn’t know the facts, my brain would fill in the rest.

Tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed behind my hands as I rocked in my seat. All the times I’d worried about her had come to fruition. There would be no avoiding this pain.

“Amber,” he whispered, pained.

I worked to settle myself, leaning back hard into his hand, soaking up his strength.

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