Page 15 of Killer Lies (The Chaos Crew 2)

Mixing up a mug of hot cocoa had always been my mom’s favorite way of unwinding after a stressful day, and she’d never minded sharing. I liked thinking that every flavor and brand I sampled was in her honor, as if she wasn’t missing out on them after all.

“I’ll be on the rooftop thinking deep thoughts if anyone needs me,” I informed the others, shaking off those remnants of the past.

Dess’s gaze had followed my movements. At the sight of the mug, her eyes lit up. She glanced toward the stairs that led to the deck with unusual hesitance and asked, “Do you mind if I join you?”

Did I ask for company? I thought automatically, but I caught the acidic reply before it fell off my tongue. She was grappling with a hell of a lot more than I was. It was a big deck. I could still get my space—and maybe a little more banter with her would bring me back to myself better than solitude. I just had to keep my mind on what mattered.

“As long as you keep your paws off my telescope this time,” I said, and grabbed another mug.

By necessity, I’d gotten a very efficient kettle. It was singing in less than a minute, and I filled both of the mugs with a practiced stir to dissolve all the powder and a dollop of cream in mine. I’d noticed Dess preferred hers as unadulterated in its chocolatey-ness as possible. Not that I’d been taking notes or anything.

When I nudged the mug across the island toward her, she scooped it up with an expression of childlike delight. The gleeful glow in her face contrasted with the hardened killer I knew her to be so completely that it tugged at something in my chest. I couldn’t tell whether I was relieved or regretting that I’d agreed to include her.

I opened the door and let her climb the stairs to the deck ahead of me, definitely not ogling her pert ass in those well-fitted jeans. When we came out into the cool evening air, Dess stepped off to the side. She gazed up at the moon as she took another sip, and then closed her eyes with a smile of absolute bliss that made me want to lick the cocoa right off her mouth.

“I never thought I’d find someone who enjoys this stuff as much as I do,” I said, to stop myself from simply standing there drooling over her. “Somehow you’ve got me beat.”

“I’ve been chocolate-deprived,” Dess replied. “Got to make up for lost time.” She took a gulp followed by a pleased hum that went straight to my groin and then fixed her dark gray eyes on me with a glimmer of mischief. “I assume this cup isn’t going to knock me out?”

I winced inwardly. I’d never admitted to drugging her first drink with us, but it wasn’t surprising that she’d clued in. “You were hiding a lot from us back then,” I reminded her. “We were taking necessary precautions.”

“Well, at least those precautions came with a whole lot of chocolate-y goodness, so I guess I’ll forgive you that one transgression.”

“Thank you so very much,” I muttered. “If I’d known we were dealing with the Ghost, I might have spiked it with something stronger.”

She laughed. “I’m an assassin, not an elephant.”

The humor in her voice set me at ease again. “Are you sure?” I asked. “We do know you a lot better now, but I’m not assuming there aren’t a few things you’re still hiding.”

“If I decide to take off my human suit, you’ll be the first to know.” She paused, breathing in the steam from the mug and returning her gaze to the sky. The amusement faded from her face. “I didn’t even know how much I was hiding from you back then. I had no idea how complicated my situation was.”

The trace of anguish in her voice made my chest constrict. “We’ll figure out the truth,” I assured her. “There’s nothing Blaze can’t ferret out. Just don’t tell him I gave him that vote of confidence.”

This time, the joke didn’t budge her pensiveness. She swiped her hand across her mouth. “I know. It’s just…weird. I feel like I’ve been playing a role all this time without even realizing it—and I have no idea who I really am beyond that role. I want to be someone real, not just what Noelle and her associates sculpted me into. But I don’t know where to start finding that person.”

Most people would never understand the desire to stop pretending and start being herself. Most. Her words struck a chord deep inside me, somewhere that I hadn’t been affected in far too long.

I’d built my life around playing roles and being the person my crew and my clients expected me to be. Being real—yeah, that was the tricky part.

But I could tell she was talking genuinely with me right now, offering more honesty than I was sure I’d earned.

“You’re getting there,” I said, with the urge to match her openness with my own. “The real you is clearly a chocolate addict.”

Her smile came back, a minor victory. “Okay, I’ll give you that.”

“And simply recognizing that you feel a little lost—that’s something real too.”

Her attention settled on me, and I had the impression she was evaluating my own motives. “Do you really think so?” she asked. “Or are you just trying to get me to open up about my secret elephant nature?”

A chuckle tumbled out of me. “I guess you’ll never know.”

She grimaced. “I’m not sure I can even tell with myself. Putting on a front has become so automatic.”

I knew what she meant there too. Her candor loosened my tongue more than before. The question fell out before I could second-guess the impulse. “Were you being real when you kissed me up here before?”

Dess considered me intently enough that heat washed over my skin without her even moving. “It was strategic,” she said finally. “I was using the kiss to get something I wanted. But if it makes you feel better about it, I did like it too.” The corner of her mouth quirked upward. “Didn’t you?”

From that coy smile, I had to assume she’d been able to tell how much I had. But I hadn’t expected her to answer so honestly on that subject either. For a second, I lost my voice.

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