Page 69 of Once a Month

“Tell me.” She kisses the inside of my palm.

“I just…”

She kisses me on the lips but pulls away before I can deepen it. I’ve missed those sweet lips more than I thought because all I want to do is press my own back to them.

“Come here,” she says.

She takes my hand and walks us to the bed. She sits me down on it and stands in front of me.

“I want to hold you. Is that okay?”

“But we–”

“I’m not asking as a member who expects something from you. I’m asking as just plain old me. Can I just hold you for a while?”

“Okay,” I reply.

“Just…”

She unzips her dress, and I watch. It falls to the floor, and she steps out of it and her shoes.

“Oh, wow,” I say, placing my hands on her hips and pulling her closer to me. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m only taking it off so I can get behind you and hold you,” she says, smiling down at me.

“But… you’re wearing red. You know how much I love red,” I remind her, kissing her stomach; I’ve missed this soft skin.

“I’ll come if you keep touching me,” she says.

“Good,” I reply. “I want you to.”

“Not yet, baby,” she says, moving away from me until she’s sitting back against the pillows.

She’s holding her arms out for me. She wants me to sit between her legs. I look down at her spread legs and the patch of hair I can see between her thighs. I lick my lips, wanting my tongue to be there instead.

“Lie with me,” she says.

I know I’m not getting that chance now, so I stand up and remove my jeans and shirt to match her lack of dress.

“Oh, hell,” she says. “You’re killing me right now.”

“You did it first,” I tease, feeling a little bit better already.

I climb onto the bed and press my back against her front. The warmth of her engulfs me when she wraps her arms around my body protectively, as if she has the ability to keep all of the darkness away from me. She kisses my shoulder first, then my neck and my temple. She runs her hand through my hair, and I have to close my eyes to just let this all in. We sit like this for a while, and it’s nice. She kisses me occasionally on different parts of my exposed skin, and despite the fact that I’m nearly naked, I’ve never felt more covered up in my life. It’s like she has me; she won’t let me go. She wants me here, and not only that, but she doesn’t just want me for sex. She wants to hold me like this. She wants to talk to me, to learn more about me. That says something, right? I should trust how I feel when I’m with her, no matter how crazy it sounds.

“It was my aunt,” I say.

“Your aunt?”

“She died,” I reply.

“I’m so sorry.” She kisses the back of my head.

I close my eyes again, feeling her surrounding me.

“She raised me.”

“Tell me,” she says.

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