Page 63 of Once a Month

“But we–”

“I’m not asking as a member who expects something from you. I’m asking as just plain old me. Can I just hold you for a while?”

“Okay,” she says.

“Just…” I look down at my tight dress and realize I might not have worn the right thing for this particular night.

I unzip it while she watches. Then, I let it fall to the floor and step out of it along with my heels.

“Oh, wow,” she says, placing her hands on my hips and pulling me closer to the bed. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m only taking it off so I can get behind you and hold you,” I say, smiling down at her.

“But… you’re wearing red. You know how much I love red,” she says, kissing my stomach, and I have to close my eyes because it’s been so long.

“I’ll come if you keep touching me,” I say.

“Good,” she says. “I want you to.”

“Not yet, baby,” I say, moving until I’m sitting back against the pillows, holding my arms out for her.

She looks at my spread legs and the patch of hair between my thighs, licks her lips, and it takes everything in me not to let her do whatever she wants.

“Lie with me,” I say.

She stares a moment longer before she stands up and pulls off her jeans and shoes.

“Oh, hell,” I say when she also pulls off her shirt, revealing her bare breasts. “You’re killing me right now.”

“You did it first,” she says.

Then, she climbs into bed next to me and places her back against my front. I wrap my arms around her, feeling her warmth against me, and think that it can’t get any better than this. I kiss her shoulder and her neck. I kiss her temple and run my hand through her hair. We sit like this for a long time with neither of us saying anything, and it’s so nice, I almost forget there are rooms full of people in this house right now, going at it like rabbits.

“It was my aunt,” she says.

“Your aunt?”

“She died,” she says.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, kissing the back of her head.

“She raised me.”

“Tell me,” I say.

“I didn’t know my dad. His name wasn’t even on my birth certificate, so he can be anyone, really,” she says, settling more against my body. “My mom wasn’t even sure who he was, from what I was told. She was into drugs when she got pregnant young, and I got taken away from her when I was six years old. I ended up in foster care for a while. She got me back once, and then I went back. I lived in a house with seven other kids, and I shared a twin bed with a girl twice my age for a while. It wasn’t bad – I’ve heard of a lot worse – but it wasn’t home, either.”

I kiss her shoulder and wait for her to say more.

“My aunt lived here, and we lived about a thousand miles away. She didn’t have much, but when she heard that my mother wasn’t going to try to get me back again, she took a bus and came to get me. My mom filled out whatever paperwork you fill out when you give up your kid, and my aunt and I took the bus back here. She was ten years older than my mom and had her life together. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment for a while, just the two of us. Then, she met her husband, and we moved into his house and made it our home.”

I can feel her smiling a little even though I can’t see it.

“When he died about five years ago, it was just us again,” she says. “A few years ago, she got diagnosed with cancer. She called my mom to tell her. They’re sisters, after all. I hadn’t seen my mother since the day they took me away from her, but my aunt always sent her pictures of me and kept her updated on my life as if she cared. Anyway, she visited when my aunt was sent to the hospital the first time, saw me, and acted like she didn’t even know who I was. I didn’t have the energy to deal with her – my aunt had cancer, and she was my real mother.”

“Yeah,” I say softly.

“I was dating someone at the time. It was still new. Normally, I wouldn’t have introduced someone I’d only been on a few dates with into my chaos, but we were together when I got the call that she’d been admitted. My mom took one look at our joined hands, called me a dyke, and then said she was glad she gave me up. She did that all in one breath while her sister lay dying.”

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