Her voice echoed through the cottage as she steadied herself against the wall, her heart hammering.
This was foolish. She couldn’t bring Lily to live in a place like this. Not even to stop Gabriel from knocking it down and building fancy homes that Nessa could never hope to afford.
‘I don’t think I am brave enough, Gran,’ Nessa whispered, all bravado deserting her as she thought back to the key and the lease, and her grandmother’s words scrawled across the envelope that had contained them. She slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. ‘I’m sorry.’
She sat there for a while, feeling as alone as she’d ever felt in her life and wondering what to do next. One thing was for sure. She couldn’t impose on Rosie for much longer. It wasn’t fair.
Nessa pulled out her phone, opened her notes and started to make an action plan. Having a plan, however outlandish, always made her feel more in control. And she’d always had one on the go, ever since her mother had first fallen ill.
Her brow furrowed as she typed into her phone.
1. Chase local landlords/social housing again to see if anything suitable/affordable/available.
Nessa bit her lip. The waiting list for social housing was long, and all she’d been offered by private landlords so far was either damp, grotty or miles from Lily’s school. Lily loved her school and the friends she’d made there. Changing schools would break her heart.
2. Find a job that fits around Lily’s childcare needs.
That was proving to be easier said than done, especially with the long summer holiday approaching. Frantic job-searching had come to nothing, and while Valerie was always keen to look after Lily, she couldn’t be expected to provide huge amounts of childcare.
3. Improve my relationship with Jake.
Nessa thought a moment before deleting her words. She was already doing all she could to maintain a decent relationship, for Lily’s sake. But it was hard when he was so unreliable. It might help, of course, if Valerie was more supportive and didn’t think her son was a faultless human being.
Nessa raised a hand to shield her eyes as sunlight pierced a salt-streaked windowpane and dappled around her. Sunbeams caught the snake bracelet on her arm, scattering rainbow colours across the walls.
Her grandmother had rarely worn the bracelet. She’d been the sort of woman who saved good clothes for best, so hardly ever got them out of the wardrobe. But Nessa had learned in her relatively short life that good things rarely last. So, she’d worn the piece of jewellery constantly since it became hers.
But one day – maybe one day soon if she couldn’t find a suitable job and Lily needed new shoes – she might have to pawn her precious bracelet, or even sell it. The thought of being so desperate made Nessa feel unutterably sad.
She moved her arm and watched the colours – red and green, blue and violet – dance across the landing. They brought life and movement back to this cottage, which had been silent and empty for far too long.
Nessa switched off her phone and shoved it into her pocket. What was the point in making action plans if she didn’t take action when the answer was right in front of her?
She got to her feet, brushing dust and dirt from the backside of her jeans.
Doing up this cottage was a crazy idea. Jackson thought so, even though he’d been supportive overall, and everyone else would think so too. But maybe she could make it work, for her and for Lily.
She walked to the window and looked out across the tumbled stones towards the churning sea. She had to make it work because she, just like the Ghost Village, was out of other options.