Page 49 of Almost Never

Hell, I wanted to turn around and fly right back to Missouri the day I got here. How weird is that? When my mom told me we were moving, there was no where I wanted to be more than California. Now, it’s the last place I want to be.

“Yep. Just finished unpacking. My room is bigger than I expected.” I can hear the smile in Hope’s voice, and while I’m so happy for her, a part of me wishes I was there to see that smile in person.

Last week I purchased my plane ticket home. Being away from Hope after the way we left things was eating at me. Even though we both were good at pretending that everything was normal, something was off. It still feels that way. So I was prepared to fly back to Missouri and spend the rest of the summer with her.

Unfortunately, my plans were thwarted when Hope was selected to attend a special summer program for incoming students. Which meant she had to leave almost immediately for New York.

“And your roommate?” I ask, dropping my keys on the table next to the front door before heading upstairs to my room.

“She’s really sweet. She’s from Hawaii and smells like coconut. And you know how much I love the smell of coconut.”

“I do.” I chuckle, remembering how last summer Hope would randomly walk up and start sniffing me because my sunscreen smelled like coconuts. “And the program, when does that start?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Extremely.” She blows out an audible sigh.

“Don’t be. You’re the best cook I know.”

“Chef,” she corrects me. “They call us chefs here, not cooks.”

“My apologies, Chef Russell.” I bow my head in apology even though she can’t see me.

“I think I like the sound of that.”

“Well you better, because that’s what people are going to call you from now on.”

“I think I can live with that.” She giggles and the sound hits me square in the chest.

Fuck, I miss this girl. More than I realized I could miss anyone. I would miss her even if what happened the last time we saw each other hadn’t happened. While it added a different element to our relationship, at the end of the day I just miss her.

“I can’t wait to see what you learn at school.”

“Careful. I might come home and fatten you up.”

“I think I like the sound of that. You can fatten me up any day.”

“You’re funny.” I imagine her shaking her head the way she always does when she’s amused with me. “I hate to rush off, but I actually need to go. I have a dinner I have to get to and I don’t want to be late. I’m determined not to let high school follow me into college.”

Hope probably set the record for tardiness in a single school year this past year. I swear, that girl can leave thirty minutes early to get somewhere and still manage to show up late.

“Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts.” I snort.

“Hey now! You be nice.”

“I am being nice. I’m also being honest.”

“Ugh. I’m hanging up now,” she says, laughter in her voice.

“Have fun at your dinner. Call me when you can.”

“Will do.”

“Bye, Russell.”

“Bye, Murray.” Moments later the line goes dead.

I collapse back onto my bed, dropping my cell phone onto the mattress next to me. This is the first time in the last couple of weeks that I actually feel semi-okay. Maybe it’s because I know Hope is gone and the urge to go home is no longer a factor. Or maybe it’s because we’re finding some way to work through this weird limbo our relationship is in.

Whatever it is, I’m determined to make the best of this summer. It’s the last summer of my youth. My last summer before college and the start of my adult life. And as much as I wish I could spend it with Hope, I know I can’t. She’s living her life and it’s time I start living mine again. It’s okay to miss her. And I can’t imagine a day when I won’t. But moping around here like a lost dog is not doing either of us any good. It’s time I called some of my old buddies and remember why I used to love California so much.

---