Page 95 of Force of Nature

Chapter Thirty-two

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The next few weekspass with little incident. No one brings up Thad again, and honestly, I’m thankful for the reprieve.

Thanksgiving was as big as it is every year and as Christmas approaches it promises to be even bigger. Some of my mom’s family is coming in from out of town and my dad’s two sisters and their combined three adult children will be staying the entire week of Christmas. My Great Aunt Sue is already here with the majority of everyone else arriving tomorrow and Saturday.

Because our guests will take over most of the bedrooms in the house, the twins are rooming with Chris and I volunteered to bunk in the camper for the week. Though I’m still not entirely sure why I did it. Maybe I really am a glutton for punishment.

With my duffel bag on my shoulder, I take a deep breath before climbing the metal stairs and pushing my way inside. I expect to feel something,anything, but as I look around the old camper, I feel nothing at all. The place is void of what little Thad had brought with him.

It’s clear my mother must have been in here at some point over the last couple of days because it smells like cleaning products and freshly cleaned laundry.

I drop my duffel on the floor and immediately crawl into bed, hoping by some miracle that Thad’s scent is still here somewhere. Burying my face into one of the pillows, I inhale deeply. Disappointment settles in my stomach when I find no trace of him anywhere.

I don’t think I realized until this very moment how desperate I’ve been to feel close to him again. How much I miss his smell and his voice and the way his crisp blue eyes used to hold me captive.

It was easy to lose myself in my work when I was on set. I pushed most of my feelings down and buried them as deep as I could. Sure, every now and again I’d have a bad day where I’d think about him too much, where it would hurt just a little too much, but for the most part I carried on with my life like he’d never even been a part of it.

But here, here it’s hard to pretend. Here it’s hard to ignore. I tell myself I’m over Thad. I tell everyone I’m fine, that I’m over it. When in truth I don’t think I have even really dealt with it.

I had my heart broken for the first time in my life and instead of processing it, I buried myself in my work and now nearly four months later it’s still clawing inside of me, refusing to be ignored.

The door of the camper opens and slams shut almost immediately. Pushing up in bed, I turn, expecting to see one of my brothers or possibly my mom, but instead my entire world tilts.

“Thad?” I question, noticing he seems just as surprised to see me as I do to see him.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t know...” he starts.

“You didn’t know I was here,” I finish his sentence, feeling my face flush.

“I just stopped by to get a couple things I left here. Your mom said I could grab them whenever.” He gestures to a box on the small fold out table that I hadn’t noticed when I walked in.

“No problem.” I shrug it off, having still not fully recovered from seeing him standing in front of me after all this time.

He hasn’t changed one bit and yet he seems so different. I can’t tear my eyes away from him. His light eyes, his messy hair, the way his casual button down shirt stretches over his broad shoulders.

“I’m stuck out here for a few days because my parents invited everyone and their mothers to Christmas.” I roll my eyes, trying desperately to seem cool and casual.

“Yeah, I remember that from last year.” He chuckles, reminding me of my absence from Christmas last year causing guilt to settle into my stomach right alongside the nervous butterflies.

“Right.” I nod, suddenly not sure what to say.

“You in town for the holidays?” he asks, still standing right inside the door.

“Yeah. I head back to North Carolina after the New Year.”

“I’ve been watching the show,” he tells me, a small smile pulling up one side of his mouth.

“Oh yeah?” I question, honestly a little surprised by this news.

“You’re amazing by the way. You make Rose’s character so believable.”

“Thanks. I can’t believe you watch it. Doesn’t really seem like your cup of tea.”

“It’s not,” he agrees. “And yet I find myself looking forward to Tuesday night every single week.” He laughs at himself. “Anyway, I guess I should get going.” He snags the box off the table and balances it between his hip and forearm. “It was good seeing you, Laken.”

“Yeah, you too.” I force a smile despite the growing dread in my chest.

I watch him turn, the thud of my heart against my ribs deafening as he pushes the door open and disappears outside.

Tears sting the back of my eyes and no matter how badly I want to go after him, I refuse to let myself move.

This is who we are now. Two people who exchange pleasantries when they see each other and nothing more. At least that’s what I think until the door flies open and Thad steps back inside, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession.

“Are you okay?” I question, pushing off the bed but not moving any closer toward him.

“No.” He drops the box back on the table and closes the short distance between us so quickly I swear I blink and he’s standing right in front of me. “I can’t see you, stand here and talk to you like everything is fine when all I really want to do is this.”

Before I can react, his lips are pressed to mine. No matter how much I wish it didn’t, my body instantly melts into him like it knows exactly where it belongs.

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