Page 56 of Force of Nature

We are half way through our third drink and have eaten most of the crab dip by the time I finally get to this morning when Thad drove me to the airport and how he kissed me before I left. It’s odd to think of that as earlier today. I’ve only been here a few hours and already this morning feels like it was days ago.

“You’re falling for him.” Whitney gives me a knowing smirk, leaning back in her chair as she studies me.

“I am not.” Even though we both know that’s a lie.

“Uh huh.” She smiles disbelieving.

“Okay, maybe I am.” I huff, knowing there’s no sense in denying it. Especially not with Whit. “But it doesn’t matter anyway. We decided on sex only. No strings. I knew going in what I signed up for. Just because my feelings are getting mixed doesn’t mean it changes anything. He’s not looking for a relationship and honestly neither am I. I’m still trying to get my career off the ground. I can’t afford to get distracted.”

“I hate to tell you, honey, but you’re already distracted.”

“That may be so, but if this role pans out it won’t matter anyway. Yes, I’m attracted to him. Yes, he’s incredible in bed. And yes, he makes me feel a certain way. But my dream comes first.”

“There’s no saying you can’t have both,” she points out.

“I don’t want both.” I shake my head. “And even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. Thad isn’t interested in anything more.”

“Or that he’s told you. That doesn’t mean his outlook on the matter hasn’t changed. I mean, you said so yourself. When you’re alone he treats you more like a girl he’s dating than one he’s just having a casual fling with.”

“Maybe that’s how it goes when you’re sleeping together. Hell, I don’t know. I’ve never actually carried out a sex only relationship before.”

“But there, you just said it. Sex only. From what you’ve told me, Lake, there’s nothing sex only about what the two of you are doing.”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Can we talk about something else, please?” I shake off the heaviness I feel settling down on my shoulders.

What happened to the girl who only wanted to have sex with the hot guy working on her dad’s ranch? Why, like always, did I have to go and get myself attached? It’s just going to make leaving that much harder once I do.

“Sure.” Whit frowns.

“Tell me about you. What have you been up to since we last talked?”

“Well, Tracy and V got into a huge fight and V moved out,” she says, referring to two of her roommates. “Apparently V slept with Tracy’s boyfriend.”

“She didn’t.” I gasp.

“Oh she did. All over our apartment from what I’ve been told.”

“Oh my god.” I gawk at Whit, grateful for the change in conversation and the much needed distraction.

“Oh my god is right. Tracy walked in on Caleb fucking V over the back of the chair.”

“I can’t believe she didn’t kill one or both of them,” I say, knowing Tracy has quite the temper.

“You and me both.”

We both laugh in unison and I’m quickly reminded why I’ve missed Whitney so damn much. She can take all my shit in, digest it, and move on just like that. She never pushes me or asks for too much. She’s my friend. And she’s a damn good one.

We spend another thirty minutes at the bar before we finally call it an evening and head back to Whitney’s apartment.

It isn’t until hours later when I’m lying on the couch in Whitney’s living room that everything seems to catch up to me. Thad. The audition. My conversation with Whit. I play it all on repeat over and over again, trying to dissect every little thing until I’ve picked it all apart so many times I have trouble piecing it back together.

When I finally doze off well after two in the morning, I’m no closer to figuring out how I feel and what I want than I was this morning sitting next to Thad in the truck. Or last night as I was lying in his arms after we were both sated and satisfied. I think more than anything I’m scared. But I can’t decide what I’m more afraid of–having too strong of feelings for Thad or him not having any for me.

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