It’s the first time my oldest brother and his family have come up for a meal since I arrived. As happy as I am that we’re all together, when you get all the boys together it’s like I don’t exist. And since Brad’s wife likes talking about hunting, fishing, and farm life more than the guys, she gets lumped in with them. Which leaves me and my mom, just like when I was a kid.
Hoping to steer the conversation into safer territory, I mention to my mom I saw some really pretty flowers at the flower shop today that I think would be perfect for her flower bed around the front porch. She seems relieved to talk about something else and quickly bites, spending the next several minutes telling me all about the flower show they put on last year in town and how she’d love if I would go with her this year. It’s in five weeks. And while I would love to go with her, I won’t be here come that time. At least not if I have anything to say about it. Instead of upsetting her by declining, I simply agree and decide I will tackle that hurtle when it comes.
Not long into our conversation about flowers, Thad excuses himself and much to my disappointment doesn’t return for the remainder of the evening.
It’s nearing eight o’clock when Brad, Miranda, and Devon finally leave and I’m able to excuse myself and sneak outside with Chris for a drink. As much as I love my family, they are best when taken in small doses.
“So, Mom’s giving you a hard time again?” Chris flops down onto the front porch swing next to me, sliding a cold beer into my hand.
“That obvious?” I ask, watching him lift his beer to his lips before doing the same with mine.
The cold liquid tastes like heaven on my tongue and I swallow it down greedily.
“She just misses you is all. I think she likes having another female in the house.”
“Miranda’s around,” I remind him.
“Yeah, but it’s not like she’s here a lot. Her and Brad have their own lives and while Brad still works on the ranch, it’s very rare we see him otherwise.”
“Chris,” I start, ready to cut off this guilt trip before it really gets going.
“Listen, I support you. I always have, you know that. I’m not saying give up and come home for Mom’s sake. I’m just asking that you cut her a little slack.”
“I do. I have been.”
“Is that what your little outburst was about earlier?” He cocks a brow at me, taking a long pull from his bottle.
“You caught that, huh?”
Guess my brothers aren’t all as oblivious as I had assumed. Or at least one of them isn’t.
“It’s not like you were trying to hide it. What she’d do? Suggest you and Brylan get back together?”
“Not in so many words, but yes, she was definitely hinting at it.”
“She’s just hoping you’ll find something important enough to keep you here.”
“Brylan wasn’t enough to keep me here the first time around. Besides, I don’t need a reason to stay, I have plenty,” I point out, nudging him with my elbow.
“You know what I mean.” He smiles, leaning back in the swing as he begins to rock us gently back and forth. “We have our own lives and not one of us would ever expect that you would give up your dream for us. But if you found someone, then perhaps you’d feel differently.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Not at all.” He chuckles. “You’ve had one foot out the door since you were old enough to walk. There was never a chance of keeping you here. But that doesn’t mean our mother isn’t still holding on to hope.”
“I wish she’d accept that this is who I am.” I sigh, taking another drink of my beer as I stare out at the dark grounds.
“She has accepted it. And she’s prouder of you than she will probably ever let on. Her and dad both are. As much as they hate that you left, they love that you were brave enough to do so at the same time. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re her only girl and she worries about you and misses you. Maybe if you came to visit more often.” He gives me a pointed look.
“I realize I haven’t been the greatest about that. I guess I was just scared of getting stuck here.”
“And yet here you are.” He tips his bottle at me before lifting it to his lips.
“Here I am.” I sigh, mirroring his actions.
“Well, for what it’s worth I’m glad you’re here. Even if it is for a short time. I’ve missed you, kid.”
“I’ve missed you too.” I lay my head on his shoulder for a brief moment.