Page 51 of The Road to You

“Death,” she blurts.

“We’re all scared of death, Elara.”

“I wasn’t. I was only scared of not living. I pushed everything to the limit. Was afraid of nothing. Until…” She trails off.

“Until Kam,” I finish her sentence.

“Until Kam.” She nods, sadness filling her face.

“You know he wouldn’t want that, right.”

“Wouldn’t want what?” She looks at me, her forehead drawn in confusion.

“He wouldn’t want you to change who you are.”

“Who I am is the reason he’s dead.”

“Who you are is the reason he loved you,” I interject.

“Can we please not do this?” She scoots her chair back and stands abruptly. I immediately follow, dropping a few bills on the table before exiting the small shop behind her.

“Elara.” I snag her arm as she turns to walk away.

“I can’t talk about him, Kane.” She whips around, tears welling behind her eyes. “I know I should. I should want to talk about him. I should want to remember him. But it hurts too much. I can’t do it.”

“You can.” I place my hands on her shoulders to steady her. “It’s the only way you’re going to deal with it. You have to talk about it. About him. You can’t close off and pretend like the accident didn’t happen, like Kam isn’t gone.”

“I know he’s gone,” she bites. “I’m not pretending the accident didn’t happen. I was there, remember? I won’t be able to erase that from my memory for as long as I live. So no, Kane, I’m not pretending anything. I just can’t talk about him like it’s okay because it’s not okay.”

“Hey.” I pull her to my chest, locking my arms around her shoulders. Maybe I pushed her too hard too fast.

It helps me to talk about Kam, to remember him as he was, but it clearly isn’t the same for Elara. At least not yet.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her hair, feeling her relax against me the moment I do. “We don’t have to talk about it. But, Elara, one of these days you’re going to have to and when you’re ready, I hope you know I’m here.”

“I do,” she says against my chest, her arms wrapping around my middle. “I’m sorry too. Sometimes I just can’t deal.”

“It’s okay,” I reassure her, dropping my cheek to the top of her head, not ready to let go just quite yet.

“I’m sorry I ruined our evening.” She breaks away too soon for my liking and I’m forced to take a step back.

“You didn’t ruin anything.” I reach up and brush a hair away from her cheek.

Her body tenses at my touch but she doesn’t step away from it.

“I kind of did,” she counters.

“Well, maybe a little.” I grin, pulling the exact reaction from her I was hoping for.

“Such an ass.” She fights a smile as she spins on her heel and takes off up the sidewalk.

I wait until she’s several yards away before informing her, “You’re going the wrong way.”

She stops, looks around, realizes she has absolutely no idea where she’s going before turning back in my direction, a slight pout on her mouth.

“I repeat, ass,” she mutters loud enough that I can hear her before she stomps back in my direction.

“You’re really cute when you glare at me like that.” I chuckle as she walks right past me, her shoulder bumping into me as she does.

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