Page 78 of A Perfect Discovery

‘I wish I’d had the nerve to do something myself but with his dad being a teacher...’

‘He thought he was above the law.’

‘I appreciate what you did. I was scared at the time but everyone wants a friend like you when the chips are down. You stuck up for me like no one ever had… Or has since.’

‘And I’d do it again but that’s the problem. It’s in me.’

‘No, Calum. What you did was the last straw.’

‘But I got so carried away. I could have killed him.’ He threw back his head and rubbed his face, erasing the vision of Arran’s prone figure at the bottom of the stairs.

Will slung his arm over Calum’s shoulder. ‘But you didn’t. You stopped. It was adrenaline and teenage hormones. Nothing like it has ever happened again. You did what you had to do to make sure of it. These days you’re in control. You’re the master of control, honestly, there’s no one quite as poker-faced as you. You’ve found better ways to solve conflict.’

Was that true? He’d tried so hard. When he’d hurt Arran, it was spur of the moment, a culmination of anger built over months. The sickening agony after the event would never leave him.

He’d channelled his anger into karate and found shrewd ways to buy properties. Occasionally his temper got the better of him but he never lashed out physically. Pushing up rents had become his weapon of choice. Even that wasn’t really him – Rebekah had called him out on it last year. ‘Some days, I don’t even know who I am.’ Rhona had unlocked the man he wanted to be. The one who could love, be a partner, a husband, a father. He had all that inside him, hiding behind what he’d done and what he was capable of.

‘You’re Calum Matheson. You’ve built an empire and a reputation.’

‘But it’s not me.’

‘It’s part of you and there’s nothing wrong with that.’

‘I’ve made so many mistakes.’

‘Who hasn’t?’ Will said. ‘That’s life. But don’t let this be another one. Go after Rhona.’

‘No. I can’t. It’s over.’ That would be the mistake this time, chasing a dream that could never come true. ‘She made her choice. I’m not crawling around grovelling, only for her to reject me the next time one of her family members comes into the room.’

Will tutted and looked away. ‘Honestly, Calum, sometimes you’re so stubborn. Give her a chance.’

‘I already have.’

‘Then give her another one. Maybe she needs more time. She’s not an irritating tenant, she’s someone you care about. That was a tough situation she was in. She didn’t want the two of you going for each other. That wasn’t her choosing Arran over you. That was her keeping the peace. Don’t punish her for that. Go to her. Try.’

Calum patted Will on the back and sighed. ‘You’re a kind friend, Will. But if I go there, we’ll go round and round in circles and nothing will happen. Her family hate me and there’s no getting round that. If I break her family so we can see each other, do you think that’ll make a solid start to a relationship? She’ll hate me for it.’

‘Oh, Calum, Calum, Calum. You’re not just a stubborn ass, you’re a right cynic as well. What are you afraid of?’

‘I’m not afraid of anything.’

Will tilted his head.

Yeah, yeah. Of course he was afraid. What if she rejected him out and out? Leaving as the disgruntled martyr was easier than being sent packing straight to his face. ‘I can’t, I just can’t.’ He strode towards the site exit, Will hot on his heels.

After so much love over the past couple of months, he couldn’t bear the tension creeping into his shoulders, his chest, his stomach. The thought of returning to ‘normal’ set a nauseous wave rising in his gut, but it was the only way. Pull out the poker face, encase his heart in an ice shield, keep people at arm’s length and go.

Will bleeped open his maroon people carrier as soon as they got through the gate and Calum jumped into the passenger seat while Will settled Angus in his car seat. Any dreams Calum had harboured about this kind of life for himself were up the spout. A vague remnant of a tattered dream fluttered before him. He was clicking a little bundle of giggly cuddles into the back of his 4X4 and Rhona was on the other side, strapping in a miniature of herself, all blonde curls, big blue eyes and rosy cheeks. Their boot was stuffed full and a roof box packed to bursting point was clamped to the rails. Dad-Calum and Mum-Rhona were taking the kids on holiday. A bitter laugh almost split through his foul mood. Like any of that had the tiniest chance of being real. A Matheson and a Lamond together. How could he even have thought it?

He slumped back into the seat and Will hopped in beside him.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to stop when we pass her house?’ Will said. ‘I’ll stay in the car so you can chat.’

‘No.’ Calum held up a hand. ‘Enough. Please.’

He just wanted to go home. Hopefully Arran and Rhona would leave the island and never trouble him again.

Chapter 25

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