Page 63 of Something to Believe In

“Good luck,” I manage to choke out. “I’m sure you’ll get it.”

“Thanks.” She’s still staring at me. “I’ll be okay, you know. I’m a safe driver.”

Yeah. That’s what my dad thought. It’s not you that you have to worry about. It’s the idiots that drink and still get behind the wheel.

To her I say, “I know.” I try to smile. “Of course you will be.”

Another song starts up on the laptop, releasing the tension in the room. Hannah makes her way back over to the bed, sitting down next to me and picking up the laptop. “This is my favourite part.”

I let out a laugh as I look back at the screen. “Isn’t this the end?”

“Yep.” She grins. “But it’s still the best.”

Shaking my head, I ask, “How many times have you seen this?”

“I’ve lost count. Now shhh. Let me enjoy it.”

I watch her out the corner of my eye as she stares at the screen, bobbing her head to the music. She’s so beautiful and she doesn’t even realise it. When the movie finally finishes, I take the laptop from her, placing it on her bedside table.

“Han?” I rub the back of my neck. I need to know where we’re at. If I’ve gained back any of the trust I lost. She looks up at me through her lashes, and I swallow. “Um, I need to tell you something.”

“Okaaay…” She drags out, the uncertainty in her voice almost making me lose my nerve. As if she’s trying to figure out what I’ve done now, and how much it’s going to hurt her. I hate that she doesn’t trust me anymore.

I twist my body around so that I’m facing her and trace my finger over the stitching on the bedspread between us, unable to bring my eyes up to hers.

“I told you this before, but you were upset with me and you never told me…” I shake my head.This is not coming out right. “I, uh, I know this is going to change everything between us, but I need you to know that I like you… as more than just my best friend… and I just want to know how you feel. As in, you know, how you feel about me.” The words tumble out of me in a rush, and my stomach churns as I wait for her to say something.

Hannah lets out an audible sigh, and my stomach sinks.This is it. Our friendship is done.I move to stand up, but she grabs my hand and I finally force myself to look at her.

“I…” Her cheeks flush, and I reach out to brush her hair behind her ear, my fingers tingling as they touch her warm skin. She swallows. “I don’t know how I feel,” she admits. “But,” she rushes on as I pull my hand away. “I do feel something. I have since the night you kissed me. I…” her voice trails off and she sucks in a deep breath. Her eyes are fixed on mine, and I can see the war going on inside her. I can tell she’s scared of getting hurt again, and I don’t blame her.

“I promise,” I say, not breaking eye contact. “I’ll do anything to show you that I mean what I say. I’ll keep doing things to show you how sorry I am. I’ll treat you the way you deserved to be treated from the start. I’m an idiot. Plain and simple. A stupid idiot. I never should have tried to push you away.” I press my lips together, hoping she can believe every word that I’m telling her right now. Needing her to believe every single one of them.

She brings her hand up to rest on my chest, and now I’m sure she can feel my heart thumping. She bites her bottom lip and I run my thumb over it, cupping her cheek in my hand. She leans into me and I meet her halfway, closing my eyes and thanking whatever deity up above is looking over me right now. I’m the luckiest guy on the planet.

The feel of her mouth soft and warm against my own sends tingles surging through my body. Her taste and touch make my head spin, but in a good way. It’s like a movie scene, the ones I think are so cliché–like Brady loved Mack, like Ben loved Mal, and whatever other teen musical guy loved a girl–everything around us disappears. It’s just the two of us in this moment in time and space. Breathing heavily as we break apart, I rest my forehead against hers. Hannah opens her eyes, smiling coyly up at me.

“I’ve wanted to do that again every day since my birthday,” I murmur, wrapping her hair around one of my fingers. “I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. I’m an idiot.”

“I think we’ve established that fact,” she snickers.

I lean back against her pillows, pulling her into my arms. She rests her head on my chest and I kiss the top of her head. “So, we’re doing this then?”

She lifts her head to press her lips against mine with an amused smile. “What exactly is this?”

I kiss the tip of her nose. “I want everything with you, Hannah Robinson. But for starters, I’ll be happy if you just agree to be my girlfriend?”

“You are so lame, Oliver Johnson,” she laughs. “But yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

I stare up at her ceiling, with her in my arms, grinning like an idiot. Everything is starting to make sense again. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can breathe.

30

I click in my seatbelt, adjust the rear-view mirror, and place my shaking hands on the steering wheel. This car feels different to my parents’ cars. I look over at my instructor, Michael, and wait for his directions.

He offers me a smile to try and ease my nerves. “When you’re ready Hannah, you can turn on the ignition and we’ll head out of the lot.”

I nod. As I press the start button the car comes to life around me, and I can actually breathe a little now, with the sound of the engine cutting through the tense silence in the car. I lift my foot off the break and the car starts to move.

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