Page 53 of Something to Believe In

I swallow, staring down at my hand in his. “Fine.”

I snatch my hand back. I call out to Mum, letting her know I’m going for a walk, and follow Oliver out the door. Tucking my hands into the back pockets of my jeans, I maintain a safe distance from Oliver as we make our way down to the river. He invited me, so I wait for him to initiate the conversation.

“Everything’s pretty messed up,” he finally says.

I can’t help my snarky reply. “Whose fault is that?”

He gives me his trademark lopsided grin which makes my stomach stir.

“I guess I deserve that.” When I just raise my eyebrows, he continues. “Last night’s the first time I’ve been in a car since the accident.”

I know that’s a huge deal for him but all I can manage is, “I figured.”

Running his hand through his messy hair, he stares down at the ground. “I’ve been having nightmares.”

“About the accident?”

He nods. “And you.”

“Me?”Was the kiss that bad it caused him to have nightmares?

Scuffing his shoe along the ground, he hesitates before saying anything. “After we kissed, the nightmares changed. You were in the car with me. Only I was the one driving and you were the one who got hurt. Every time. That’s why I started pushing you away.” He glances up at me and I swallow the lump that has risen in my throat. “I know I hurt you, but I want you to know that I’m sorry.”

I force myself to look away from him. “Those are just words, Oli.”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you just talk to me?” I ask. “You haven’t had a problem talking to me in the last thirteen years. What changed?”

He shrugs. “Me.”

Seriously? Is this conversation going around in circles? What is that supposed to mean?

“Shit, Han. Something changed at my birthday. I realised you made me feel, I dunno… like…” Oliver massages his temples. “I decided to take a chance, but kissing you just amplified my feelings. Then I panicked because I didn’t know how you felt, and I couldn’t lose you if you didn’t feel the same.”

Shaking my head, I mutter, “This is so messed up.”

“I told you.” Oliver smirks, but I don’t see the humour in the situation. So far, I’m not satisfied his actions were justified considering how miserable I’ve been. And the whole situation with Sarah just makes it worse.

The only problem is, I can’t stop my body from reacting around him. My heart races, my stomach flutters, my palms are sweaty. The kiss didn’t just changed things for him, it changed things for me too. As much as I try to fight it, my attraction to my best friend is there. I’m not ready to let him know that though. He’s lost my trust.

“So, what happened at training?”

Oliver’s face drops. “Coach wasn’t too happy with me rocking up hungover again. Looking like this didn’t help matters much, either.” He sighs as he waves a hand in front of his swollen and bruised face.

“Not a great example to set for the other guys,” I point out.

“Yeah, and I missed a couple of sessions as well. He sent me home and told me I had to think about what’s more important. Going out and writing myself off or trying to make it in the AFL. He said no club will touch me if they think I’m not disciplined.”

And there’s the irony. Sarah was only with you because she thought you were her ticket to living the life of an AFL player’s partner, yet she’s also the reason you might not make it.

I walk over to a bench seat overlooking the river. “What’s wrong with you, Oli? You’re risking everything.”

“I know.” He sits down next to me, leaning back and closing his eyes.

“Have you spoken to anyone about what’s going on?”

He shakes his head. “Not really. Mum made me go see the psych again, and he suggested talking to Jake, but he’s been at Kenzie’s a lot lately.”

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