Page 22 of Something to Believe In

Oliver looks up from his phone, his eyes widening when he sees me. “Han,” he chokes out sitting up on his bed. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

I try to smile. “I, uh… I wanted to check in on you. See how your first week of year twelve was?” I hover in the doorway gesturing to his phone. “I guess you didn’t lose your phone then.” My attempt at keeping things light falls flat as he looks down at his hands.

“Yeah, I… uh… shit.” Oliver rubs his face.

My stomach drops.He doesn’t want me here.“I sh-should go,” I stammer, turning to leave.

“No, wait.”

I pause, but I can’t bring myself to look at him.I shouldn’t have come here. This was such a bad idea.

“I… I’m sorry.” His voice is strained. “Can you stay?”

I want to, but is that what you really want?

“Please?”

The desperation in his voice is clear, though it only confuses me more. I move over to Oliver’s desk. Leaning up against it, I cross my arms over my chest. He gets up to close his bedroom door. My breathing hitches at his proximity, and I pray he can’t hear my heart pounding in my chest. My hands are clammy, and I wipe them on my school dress.

“I don’t want Jake to overhear,” he explains perching back on the edge of his bed, facing me.

I nod, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m sorry I haven’t…” his voice trails off and he groans. “I’m sorry. I don’t actually know what to say.” His hazel eyes bore into mine and I can’t look away. “I’m an arse. Can you forgive me?”

“For what?” I ask.

“S-sorry?” He runs a hand through his hair.

I bite the inside of my cheek. “What are you sorry for?”

Oliver squirms as he drops his gaze. “What happened last week at my birthday…” My stomach flip-flops. “I, uh… look, I shouldn’t have ghosted you. That was wrong.” He rubs the back of his neck. “So much is going on in my head right now. Dad, school, footy… I’m just not thinking clearly. But I shouldn’t be making excuses. It was a dick move and I’m sorry.” He pauses before adding, “You’re my best friend.”

And there it is. I’ve been friend zoned.I swallow.

“Han?”

I force a smile. “Yeah, you’re my best friend, too.”

Oliver stands up and walks over to me, wrapping me in his arms. I hesitate before returning his embrace. My cheek rests against his chest and I can hear the rhythmic beat of his heart, strong and steady. I close my eyes and try to convince myself that putting the kiss behind us is the right thing to do. He’s right, he has a lot going on at the moment. Our friendship is more important than one drunken kiss.

10

Hannah’s here.Despite me going dark on her, she’s being the bigger person and came to see me.I don’t deserve her.She’s fighting for our friendship, and I feel like shit because I suck. I’ve been too caught up in my own head to figure out how to reach out to her; how to get over my own issues to be there for my best friend. This year is just one mistake after another for me. I can’t seem to find my footing, but standing here with Hannah in my arms, I feel like I can actually breathe.

I suck in a deep breath, letting the sweet scent of Hannah’s strawberry shampoo wash over me.God, she feels so good in my arms. But I can’t risk our friendship. One drunken kiss and I haven’t been able to talk to her all week. I’ve already lost Dad, I don’t want to lose her too. I can do this. I can be her friend. All I need to do is pretend my heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to beat out of my chest every time she’s near, or my body doesn’t tingle all over from her proximity. I step back, studying her face. Her cheeks are slightly flushed, and her eyes are shining.

“Everything okay?” I ask, ignoring the jittery feeling in my stomach as I sit down on the floor, leaning back against my bed. I pat the floor, and she sits down next to me, making sure our bodies aren’t touching.

“Yeah.” Hannah sniffs. “This week just sucked.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. What am I supposed to say to that? I’ve been the biggest asshole shutting her out.

“A couple girls at school have been pretty horrible, and I got the editor position for the school magazine–”

“Wait, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” My brow furrows.

She plays with the hem of her school dress. “Yeah, but one of those girls has now joined the team, so…” her voice trails off.

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