Page 104 of Something to Believe In

Huh?“What? Jealous of me? Why?” My jaw drops open, and I actually have to force myself to close it.

She sighs. “Joel’s dad never liked me. Didn’t think I was good enough for his son. I saw you and Oli together for the first time just after Joel and I first got together. It was at one of their footy matches. I was trying to make a good impression with Joel’s parents, show them I was a supportive girlfriend. His dad just dismissed me. Spoke to Joel like I wasn’t even there. He was going on and on about how he couldn’t worry about little distractions if he wanted to make it to the AFL. Apparently that’s all he thought of me as, a little distraction.”

I press my lips together. Joel’s dad sounds horrible, but I still don’t understand what this has to do with me.

“I turned away so he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing how much he’d upset me, despite Joel squeezing my hand so tight I thought I’d lose feeling, and that’s when I saw you. I didn’t know who Oli was, whether he was your boyfriend or just a friend or whatever, but you were standing a few feet away laughing and joking around with him and his family. His dad was smiling at you and listening,really listening, to whatever you were saying. You had what I wanted. I was jealous.”

Wow.“I, uh–” I still don’t know what to say to all of this, but Sarah waves her hand at me.

“You don’t have to say anything. We’re not going to be friends, and that’s okay. Just know that I really am sorry.” She moves to walk away but pauses and says to me. “I’m really happy for you and Oli. Have fun travelling next year.”

I hesitate before calling out, “Sarah?”

She stops, turning back around to face me, and before I can think about what I’m doing, I walk over and hug her. “Thank you.”

She gives me a small smile before leaving me standing there, still unsure what exactly just happened between the two of us.

I’m still shaking my head when I hand Ashley her drink. She’s watching JD and Callum play beer pong against Oliver and Macca.

“What’s up?” she asks, taking a sip.

“Sarah just apologized to me.”

I laugh as Ashley literally spits out her drink. “What?! Did the fiery pits of Hell just open up? How in the world did that come about?”

Shrugging, I glance over at Oliver who raises his eyebrow at me. “She bailed me up while I was making out drinks.” I take a mouthful of my drink before adding, “I think she meant it, too.”

“Wow.”

“Yep.”

We stand there in silence for a moment, watching the boys. The party is still raging on around us. People are dancing, chatting, laughing, sharing stories from the last six years of high school.

“You know, I never thought I’d say this, but I actually really feel for her.” I look over at Ashley. “She hasn’t been the nicest, and what she did to Oli was next level psycho, but she thinks she’s the reason that Joel…well, you know. It must be horrible to live with that guilt,” I pause. “I don’t think she was though. From what she said and what his brother told Oli at the footy, I think Joel had a lot of pressure on him. I think he just cracked.” My gaze moves over to Oliver again, my heart clenching.

Ashley wraps her arm around my shoulder, resting her head against mine. “It’s kind of scary to think it might not have only been Joel in that situation, huh?”

I nod. She’d just voiced every single one of my fears. “He seems good though, doesn’t he?” I can hear the hope in my question. I really need reassurance that we’re through the worst of it.

Ashley squeezes me tight. “Heisgood, Han. He’s got you.”

∞

Later that night, lying in Oliver’s bed, I still can’t shake the feeling of dread in my gut. Oliver’s words from earlier at the party are still swirling around my head.“I don’t think I’d be here right now if it weren’t for you.”Does that mean he thought about it? That he considered going down the same path as Joel? My body tenses and Oliver squeezes me.

“What’s up?” he asks, his breath ruffling my hair.

I pause.Can I really tell him what’s on my mind?I don’t know how he’s going to react.Will he shut down and push me away, or will he open up and be honest with me?Do I want to know the truth?

He tilts my chin so I’m looking up at him, his eyes shining in the glow of his laptop screen which is still playingSpider-Man: Far from Home.“Han, talk to me. What’s up?”

I study his face, which I know better than my own. His full lips which are now pressed together as he watches me closely with his oval-shaped hazel eyes with the green flecks that show up in certain types of light. His nose that is slightly crooked from a few too many broken noses. The small scar above his left eye from the accident that started all of this. I reach up and run my finger over it.

“What you said earlier tonight,” I say, resting my chin on his chest. “Did you mean it?”

Oliver’s eyebrows crinkle slightly. “What did I say?”

“About how you might not be here if it weren’t for me. Did you mean it?”

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