Page 102 of Something to Believe In

“Macca will still be around, anyway.” I grin. “Melbourne’s only an hour away.”

JD pulls a face.

“What?”

“I thought he might’ve told you already.”

The grin drops from my face. “Told me what?”

“Shit.” He runs his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. I really thought he would have said something. Macca got a call from Adelaide. They’re interested in developing him as a prospective Rookie draft player. They want him to go over to South Australia, do a year with a SANFL club, see how he goes and if he has a good year, they might draft him the following year.”

My stomach churns. I’m torn between being happy for my best mate and feeling sorry for myself all over again. Macca has a chance at joining an AFL club. My injury has paved the way for him to stand up as the new captain and get some recognition for his ability. He deserves it. I just don’t know why he didn’t tell me.

JD’s watching me.

“That’s awesome. When did he find out?”

He rubs the back of his neck. “He got a call earlier this week. Shit, he’s probably gonna be pissed I told you. I’m sure he wanted to tell you himself, he’s just been so focussed on winning the Grand Final today.”

“It’s cool,” I say, forcing a smile. “Like I said, I’m happy for him. We’ll have to celebrate when he gets back tonight. Call Ash, tell them to grab some alcohol on their way home.”

JD nods, but his brow is furrowed as he taps his phone, bringing it up to his ear. While he’s on the phone to the girls, I stand up and head to the bathroom. I just need a moment to process the news.

I splash some water on my face and study my reflection in the mirror. I can barely see the scar above my left eye anymore. It’s faded to a thin white line. The dark circles are gone from under my eyes because the nightmares have pretty much disappeared. Being with Hannah has helped, not to mention having some solid plans for the near future. I’ve been working so hard between school, work, therapy, and finding time to hang out with my friends that most nights I fall into bed exhausted, then I wake up and do it again the next day. I still miss my dad, every bloody day, but Eric has helped me process that the accident wasn’t my fault and my dad wouldn’t want me blaming myself for surviving.

Losing my dream of playing AFL was the next toughest thing after losing my dad, because it was the one thing that kept me connected to him. But Macca’s my best mate, and if he has a chance to make it then I’m damn well gonna be happy for him, no matter how much I miss it.

I dry my face on a towel and head back into to the living room. The post-game review is still playing on the television, but JD’s glued to his phone. My stomach rumbles making me wonder how far away the girls are with the food.

∞

By the time Macca is dropped back at my house, we have eaten three large pizzas and we’re playing our own drinking version ofCards Against Humanity. Whoever’s card is chosen has to have a shot of tequila. Lucky for me, I got a really good hand of cards, and I’m more than slightly buzzed as I knock back another shot and chase it down with a beer.

“What’s going on?” Macca grins, sitting down behind Ashley and kissing her neck. I notice his Grand Final medallion has been tucked away in the back of his jeans.

“It’s a celebration.” I raise my beer in salute.

My best mate raises his eyebrows. “A celebration of what?” He glances at JD, who pretends to study his cards intently.

“A celebration of you, you idiot.” I wait for Ashley to pass him a beer before I continue. “Premiership captain and future Adelaide Crows prodigy.” I lean over the coffee table and clink my beer against his. “I’m that excited for you, bro. You deserve it.”

“Cheers,” he says quietly, taking a swig of his beer. His eyes don’t quite meet mine as he adds, “I was going to tell you, I was just trying to get through today’s game first.”

I shrug, smiling at him to know my congratulations was sincere. “It’s not like I haven’t kept my fair share of secrets from everyone in the room this year. You guys have all stuck by me, and I’m appreciative of that.” I look over at JD. “I know we’re all going off in different directions, but it doesn’t mean we won’t all have each other’s backs.”

I clear my throat, knowing I need to let my friends know just how much they helped me this year. “You all know how hard I took it after the accident last year,” I say, my gaze resting on the coffee table in front of me. Hannah rests her head on my shoulder. “I just wanted to say thank you, because, uh, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for all of you.”

Ashley gasps, covering her mouth. Macca’s mouth has dropped open like one of those clowns at the carnivals that you drop balls into, and JD shakes his head. Hannah’s the only one who’s not surprised. She’s heard it before.

“I don’t want your sympathy,” I say as Ashley wipes tears from her eyes. “I just want to say I’m sorry I didn’t speak up sooner. I’ve realised that it’s time I stop feeling sorry for myself and all the shit things that happened this year. With everything that happened with Joel… well I guess it just made me realise that tomorrow isn’t always a given. We need to live in the now. I’m sorry I pushed you guys away when you tried to help me. Thanks for never giving up on me.” I take a mouthful of my drink before adding, “I’ll always be there for you guys whenever you need me.”

JD and Macca both hold up their fists, and I bump them. JD clears his throat and lines up the five shot glasses. He fills them with the light gold liquid and passes one to each of us.

“To having each other’s backs,” he says, lifting his glass.

“To having each other’s backs,” we chorus.

My thoughts drift to Joel as I knock back my drink.Maybe if someone had his back, he’d still be here.

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