Page 77 of Bittersweet Addiction

I am two days late for my period; that wasn’t completely out of the norm, but something told me to pick up the tests when I was at the pharmacy earlier. I’m not exhibiting any telltale signs but it’s a feeling. A feeling that I’m hoping will be correct.

Will and I both want children, and while Will isn’t exactly himself, maybe a baby on the way would be the perfect thing to snap him out of it.

Charley, babies don’t fix everything. Actually they rarely fix anything.

The words run through my mind on a loop and I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly cold. Maybe I should have asked Will to wait with me.

It’s been two weeks since Will was suspended, and while he’s left the four corners of his office, and the townhouse, he hasn’t gone far. Drew dragged him out of the house a few nights ago to get a drink, and Will came home on the precipice of blackout drunk. I could count on one hand the number of times I’d seen Will lose control with his drinking, but in the past two weeks it had almost tripled.

I’d been worried that if Will had to live with the guilt of our actions he could have turned to other vices. I hadn’t taken into account that he still could have turned to other things for turning himself in.

I stand slowly to look at the test and my heart flutters in my chest as I see the two pink lines staring at me in the face.

Pregnant.

I’m pregnant.

We are having a baby.

Oh. My. God.

A smile crosses my face as the tears find my eyes and before I can wipe them, they’re flying down my cheeks. I look at the second test and see the wordPregnantstaring at me straight in the face.

I hear movement in his bedroom, and when I walk out I’m startled to see Will with a full glass of bourbon in his hand.

“Will, it’s not even noon,” I tell him, my eyes narrowing slightly. I can hear the judgment in my voice, but to be honest I don’t give a fuck.

This shit ends now.

“What are you? My mother? Relax, baby.”

“Relax? Are you fucking kidding me?” I move towards him. “You reek of liquor, ALL. THE. TIME. You’re so distant and cold to me. You barely talk to me. Look at me. You’re a fucking ghost, Will. I understand you’re upset. I do…but you have got to snap out of this. If not for me then…” I wrap my arms around myself again feeling the chill once again.Now isn’t the time to tell him.“Then for yourself.”

“I would do anything for you,” he says. “I think I’ve proven that, haven’t I?” He takes another long sip.

“Wow,” I tell him. “Really?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he says.

“How did you mean it?”

“Charley, can we not do this right now?” He sits on the bed, his head in his hands.

“Yes, we need to do thisrightnow.” He shakes his head and raises the glass to his lips but before he can drink the poisonous liquid I snatch it from his hands, the drink sloshing along the side of the glass and onto my hand. “Stop this shit, right now, Will.”

He tries to reach for it, and instead of letting him have it, I throw it. Hard. Against the wall. The glass shatters, and the brown liquid streaking down the white walls.

“God, Charley. WHAT THE FUCK?” he roars, and I’m so angry in this moment, I could scream.

“What the fuck is right! You are a mess, Will. A MESS!” I scream at him. I take a few calming breaths, trying to slow my accelerated heartbeat and move towards the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I grab the tests holding them in my hands before I grip them hard. I’m surprised that he wasn’t hot on my heels right behind me. I wait a few minutes to calm down, knowing that despite our anger this will be the happiest moment of our lives.

I move back into the bedroom to find him lying flat on his back on our bed, and I wonder if he’s asleep, making me wonder just how drunk he already was to be able to pass out that quickly.

“Will,” I say sadly, the tears moving down my face.

No answer.

“Will.” My eyes find the tests in my hands before they shoot up to find the passed out father snoring on the bed.

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