Page 73 of Knot All Is Lost: Part 1

“Don’t just sit there,” Spencer snapped. “Fix this.”

There was a grunt as if someone had been pushed, harsh whispers, then footsteps approached. When Nixon reached out, I reflexively stepped back, my body deciding to act defensively at the unknown outcome. The hand froze, then dropped as a throat cleared loudly from farther back.

“Cambrie,” Nixon said, his tone making it sound like a prayer falling from his lips. “Will you look at me?” he pleaded, as he dropped to his knees before me.

Unsure, I glanced up, then dropped my gaze again, my hands wringing each other nervously. “It would be easier for me if you just told me straight out if you didn’t want me anymore. I’ll be able to handle it better if you don’t beat around the bush. The last thing I need is mixed signals. Just say the word, and I’ll accept that you changed your mind.”

“What?” Nixon asked in disbelief. A hand gripped my chin firmly and forced me to look him in the eyes. They were swirling azure pools and they told me he was livid. “Who told you I didn’t want you anymore?” Nixon barked out, making me flinch.

Licking my lips, I whispered my answer. “You did.”

That had not been what he expected to hear, and jerked back like he’d been slapped. “You’re going to need to break that down for me, Sweetheart, because I’m not following. How in the ever-loving fuck did I make you believe I didn’t want you?”

Tears gathered in my eyes as I thought about that moment he turned and left the room. I hadn’t remembered it right away with the haze of my heat drowning out anything that wasn’t someone fucking me.

“You left me,” I whispered. “Rafael said whoever wasn’t going to stay needed to leave, and you did,” I choked out.

“Rafael also said he explained it.” He glared at the other Alpha. “Clearly, he didn’t do a good enough job.”

Rafael made to defend himself but I cut in first. “No,” I snapped, grabbing Nixon’s wrist. “He explained his reasoning for why you left, something you should have done yourself.”

Now I was getting angry. How dare Nixon be upset with Rafael, who had done his best to defend his friend? “If a man was going to walk out on a person, then he should have the balls to say it for himself. Not let some friend smooth things over for him.”

Nixon blinked at me, taken aback by my tone. “Cambrie, I couldn’t be in there with all of you. Even being outside the room almost had me losing myself to the rut. Ask Bodhi I ripped into him in the hallway, for which he rightly chewed my ass out for doing, by the way. My only thought was to keep you and the others safe. It was your first heat and you needed to be able to explore that with men who could give selflessly to you and that wasn’t me. There would have been nothing selfless or gentle about how I would have taken you. Even in my right mind I like control and to push my partner to the edge.”

My hands balled into fists as anger bubbled over, spilling into my wounded and broken heart. “Then you should have at least said goodbye so I knew you hadn’t abandoned me like everyone else important to me. You asked me to give you so much of myself, my story, my heart, and you left,” I yelled the last word before a sob broke out of my chest. “You left.”

Understanding broke over Nixon’s face as he pulled me to him, wrapping me in his arms. Slowly he rocked me as I slammed my hands against his back not willing to give in just yet. “I’m so sorry, Sweetheart,” he crooned. “You’re absolutely right I should have made sure you understood I wasn’t turning my back on you, and I am absolutely gutted that you even had that thought. Clearly I haven’t been doing a particularly good job at making sure you know just how much you mean to me, Cambrie.”

Picking me up as he stood, I just hung there, forcing him to slide an arm under my ass while the other held me tightly to his chest. How could I trust he wasn’t lying, just saying what I wanted to hear so I wouldn’t be upset with him anymore? Even an Alpha who wasn’t bonded with an Omega didn’t want them to be distressed. The others watched as Nixon carried me in the direction of my room and kicked open the door.

He set me down on my own two feet and turned me so I faced into the room. I wanted to be stubborn and refuse to look at what he wanted to show me, but a soft, warm glow caught my interest. Lifting my head I gasped, hands lifting to cover my gaping mouth as I took in the space.

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