Page 37 of Knot All Is Lost: Part 1

“Why would you need to go back? Isn’t this your home?” I questioned.

He sighed, shutting the dishwasher and leaning on it. “We only get to live here as long as Marius is an Official. That could be a year or ten years. Life’s just taught me not to get too attached to things that can get taken from you.”

That was something I’d learned myself firsthand. Things were easily given and taken away at the whim of others.

“Do you think they’ll really keep me?” I asked, that gnawing empty feeling creeping up again.

Bodhi didn’t say anything, he just pulled me into a tight hug. “If I knew the answer to that about myself I would tell you, but I ask that question all the time. They’ve never given me a reason to think they would abandon me, but when it’s happened once you always fear it will happen again.”

“Cambrie!” Nixon called. “We’re heading out.”

Bodhi released me and nudged me toward the living room door. “Go say goodbye, you’ll be sad if you don’t.”

Trusting his judgment since he had more experience than I did with this new pack dynamic, I headed to the front door. There the four of them stood ready in their work clothes, faces shaved, hair done, looking even more handsome. Then there was this awkward moment when I realized I had no idea what to do at this point. I always avoided my father whenever possible but Bodhi was right I wanted to see them off. So as we stood there staring at each other for a moment I wracked my brain for what to say.

“Have a good day at work,” I blurted, remembering what my mother used to say to my father. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

They all smiled at that, waving and saying their goodbyes as they left, shutting the door behind them. Hearing the door latch triggered something in me as I stood there. It almost felt like everything wonderful I ever felt in my life left with them. Here I was left behind when all I wanted was to be with them. Tears flooded my eyes and I crumpled to the ground feeling void of anything close to happiness.

Oscar jogged down the stairs and came to an abrupt halt in front of me. He crouched and reached out to place a hand on my leg letting it rest there until I looked up at him. His brows were knitted together as he looked over my body.

Knowing we couldn’t really communicate well I leaned forward and let my head fall against his chest. “Why do I feel so empty?” I whispered. “It shouldn’t matter that they left for work, I hardly know them.”

Oscar gathered me in his arms and carried me into the kitchen, where he set me on the counter, catching Bodhi’s attention. “What happened? She just went to say goodbye to them.”

Oscar and Bodhi carried on a silent conversation as I sat watching trying to make any sense out of what they were saying through my tears that wouldn’t stop. Their hands moved so fast and every so often they would get irritated and their motions became more aggressive. As the conversation came to an end Oscar returned to me with a warm smile as he tucked some of my hair behind my ear. I leaned into the touch, feeling the need to be touched which had never been something I wanted. Gently he pulled me off the counter and I wrapped my legs around his waist, then my arms around his neck as if I was a koala.

We left the kitchen and headed upstairs to the third floor where he set me on top of my bed. He motioned for me to wait there as he backed out the door making sure I wasn’t going anywhere. Noticing the pile of pillows I crawled over and surrounded myself with them so I was in the middle of the pile. It didn’t have the weight I wanted but it was starting to help a bit. I caught faint whiffs of Oscar’s scent since he’d spent the night, but I needed more.

“Cambi?” Bodhi called.

Peeking out from under the pillows I saw him entering my room with blankets and something else tucked under his arm.

“Wow, you burrowed, way under there, didn’t you?” he commented with a chuckle. “What do you say about upgrading your pillow fort to a blanket fort?”

Sniffling, I wiped at my nose with the cuff of my sweater as I sat up straighter. “I don’t know how to make one.”

“Then it’s a good thing you have me. I used to make them all the time for the kids in our group home,” Bodhi shared. “Oscar went to find more but I think we can start with this.”

He dumped the blankets on the bed and quickly headed back to the game room and returned with chairs, rope, and clothesline clips. Oscar showed up with more chairs and blankets.

“Did you steal those chairs from the dining room?” I asked, curious, drawn by the scent of all my Alphas. “Wait, are these blankets from their beds?”

“Don’t worry we checked with them and they don’t mind at all that we are using them,” Bodhi assured me as he placed the chairs. “Off the bed, we need to pull the mattress off the bed frame.”

Sliding off I moved to the side as they pulled the mattress off and on the floor in the middle of all the chairs. Fascinated, I watched as Bodhi confidently created a little hut out of such basic things. Oscar did whatever was asked and seemed as excited about this as Bodhi did.

“What do you think?” Bodhi asked, hands on his hips, a proud smile on his face. “Don’t just stand there and gawk at it, go on in. Let me know if there is any place that looks like it might fall or is sagging too much.”

Pulling back the front blanket I peered in. The space was dim but I didn’t feel like I was trapped, and the scent of all the men in the pack filled the air. Crawling on the mattress I smiled loving the feeling of being wrapped in their warmth. The emptiness I’d been feeling started to lift some as I sat.

Light shone through as Oscar entered arms full of pillows handing them to me. Taking them from him I set them beside me and noticed he’d brought the teal pillow from the living room. “Did you mean to grab this for me?”

Oscar nodded, brushing his hand upward on his chest in a sweeping motion twice with a smile.

“He’s saying the pillow made you happy, so he grabbed it,” Bodhi shared as he entered with a laptop. “Others might have differing opinions but I’m pretty sure there’s a rule that you have to only watch kids movies in a blanket fort. Cambi we have a lot of catching up so we better get started right away.”

Oscar clapped his agreement with two thumbs up as he scattered the pillows around the bed. He motioned me over, patting the teal pillow with his palm. When I reached him he wrapped an arm around my middle and tucked me to his side so when he stretched out on his stomach he was half lying on top of me, my head rested on the teal pillow. Bodhi sprawled on my other side but didn’t touch me leaving space between us as he set up the laptop for the movie.

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