Page 22 of Knot All Is Lost: Part 1

Spencer and Nixon were sitting on the floor talking quietly to each other as Bodhi and I ate our food.

“Don’t worry about them, they might look prim and proper but they aren’t stuffy about the rules. Pretty sure the only thing I’ve gotten in trouble for is staying out one night and not telling them I wouldn’t be home. They got super worried, even sent the police to look for me,” he shared.

My eyes grew wide at that, thinking how awful I would feel to make them worry so much. “What happened when you got home?”

Bodhi rested his head against the wall looking up at the ceiling. “I showed up the next morning before the sun was even up, and there they all were in the front room, sleeping, waiting for me to come back. Oscar scolded me and biffed me upside the head which I deserved. It’s been so long since I had people give a shit about where I went I just didn’t think about it, you know?”

“After Mom died I tried to be gone as much as possible. If Father caught sight of me and he’d been drinking I knew what would come next. When he noticed I wasn’t coming home he started to lock me in the basement for a day or two, so I would hide in my room with the locked door. Well until he removed the door, pissed that I locked him out,” I shared, pausing in my meal. “It was like I couldn’t do anything right. Something always upset him. I would be quiet, I’d do my chores, he never taught me anything so I didn’t have homework. No matter what, everything made him mad.”

“I had a foster parent like that. He’d fly off the handle at the stupidest shit, always changing the rules so you couldn’t win. People like that are just fucked up in the head, and there’s nothing we can do about it but survive long enough to get away,” Bodhi shared.

He stuffed the last part of his sandwich into his mouth before he stood brushing off the crumbs on his pants. Pausing a moment he looked at me uncertain, then reached out a hand to me palm up making sure it looked in no way like he was trying to hurt me. Clutching the half I still hadn’t eaten to my chest I took his hand letting him pull me to my feet.

“You don’t need to guard that, I’m not gonna take it, and there is a whole other sandwich if you want more. I also heated up some tomato soup if you want to dip it in that,” Bodhi commented, motioning to the tray by Spencer. “Let’s have you see the last room, and if you like it, then we can eat the rest there. It’s spacious enough you shouldn’t feel too claustrophobic.”

“Clastro… what?” I asked, not understanding the term.

“It means you don’t like small spaces or feeling trapped,” he answered, leading me up the second flight of stairs still not having let go of my hand.

I thought about that for a moment and wondered if that was why I didn’t like the other two rooms. They were bigger than my old room, but there was so much stuff in them it felt cramped even though they were nicely decorated. When I reached the top of the stairs the third floor opened up into a wide area with a comfortable looking leather sectional sofa and a big screen TV. It looked like the space was used fairly often and had a much more relaxed feel than the rest of the house.

“Oscar works from home and I help him with a bunch of stuff so this is our space just to relax and chill. He has a whole production studio out back in a separate guest house. That way when he comes here work is over and he can just be home. Of course, the others use it too since it has the best sound system and the video game console,” Bodhi explained when I paused to take it all in. “The room is over here opposite Oscar’s and mine. We haven’t done much to it other than put a bed in there so if you like the space we can make it into whatever you want.”

“Oh that’s not necessary, I don’t have any way to pay for things and I don’t know how long I’ll be here,” I said hurriedly, not wanting them to think I was looking for a handout. “I just need a place to stay until Marius figures out what the best plan is for me.”

Bodhi harrumphed at that as he flicked the light on in the room. It was empty but for a bed on the floor just like he warned but that was perfectly fine with me. Everything else about the room was perfect. Pure white painted walls with a ceiling that came to a peak with two large skylights right above the bed. Wooden beams showed how the roof was supported but also adding character. The carpet was soft underfoot and a pretty gray-blue color. I had the strangest urge to take my shoes off so I could feel the texture of it.

Not wanting to act stranger than I already had this evening I settled for sitting on the mattress and brushing my hand over the carpet. It was just as soft as it looked, making me smile. Then I tilted my head back and gasped as the stars winked at me from above. Before I realized it, I was lying flat on my back, hugging my half of grilled cheese sandwich, gazing at the stars.

“I can’t remember the last time I looked at the stars… have they always been that bright?” I asked, not really expecting anyone to answer.

“You’re lucky, tonight there aren’t that many clouds,” Nixon commented, reminding me I wasn’t alone.

I scrambled to sit up and my sandwich tumbled off my lap onto the carpet. “Oh no!” Quick as I could I snatched it up and used my coat sleeve to dab where it landed. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have even brought food in here.”

Nixon knelt in front of me and slowly reached out to place a hand on my arm. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. There is no harm done and all of us eat in our rooms from time to time. Trust me when I say you’re not the first one to spill. In fact, Spencer knocked over a glass of red wine in my room once.”

“That was all your fault,” Spencer mumbled, his cheeks turning pink.

Nixon just winked at his partner, then returned his gaze to me. “Accidents happen and there’s always a way to clean things up. Now take a deep breath for me because no one is upset in the slightest.”

I did as he instructed, just as Rafael had told me, in through my nose out through the mouth. It was surprising to see how much that helped.

“Would you mind if I traded you this tray with a full sandwich and soup for the half you dropped?” Nixon asked.

Blinking a few times confused then I looked down at my hand seeing the sandwich was squashed and some carpet fuzz stuck to it. “It’s fine, I’ll still eat it.”

“No, you won’t,” Nixon ordered, holding out his hand. “I understand not wanting to waste food, but I’m not going to allow you to eat that when there is no need.”

Meekly, I handed over the battered food item watching the crumbles land on his pants. I moved to clean them up but a hand rested on my shoulder.

“It’s alright, I was going to change out of these clothes into something more comfortable for the evening. They need to be washed anyway. Speaking of, after you finish your dinner we should get you set up with things to take a shower and clothes to sleep in,” Nixon instructed, turning his attention to Spencer. “Do you mind, Spence?”

“On it! We also need sheets and things for the bed,” Spencer answered cheerfully and headed out of the room.

“Cambi, why don’t you join me out in the rec room? There’s a coffee table we can eat at,” Bodhi suggested.

“Cambi?” I asked as I trailed after him.

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