Page 80 of Midnight with the Marquess (The St. Clairs 2)

“I loved him,” she confessed. “The problem was, he didn’t love me. I understand that he came home from the war scarred. Not just physically but emotionally. He was a joy to be with but Merrick wasn’t in a place to commit. To me or anyone else. It’s true, there was a huge physical attraction between us but, on his part, that’s all it was.”

“Are you sure?” Leah’s penetrating gaze made Rachel uncomfortable.

“Yes.” She released Leah’s hand and wiped away her tears. “Besides, I have heard theton’sgossip. Merrick has become a womanizer and gambler. He hasn’t bothered coming to any events of the Season so far. His needs are being fulfilled in other ways and places,” she said harshly.

Anger rushed through Rachel again at the thought of Merrick gallivanting through London with untold mistresses on his arm.

“I’d prefer you not bring up his name again to me, Leah.”

Distress filled her friend’s face. “Of course, Rachel.”

They continued to talk, discussing the upcoming social events. Rachel inwardly chastised herself for admitting her weakness for Merrick to Leah. For a final time, she pushed him away mentally as far as she could, slamming and locking an imaginary door of steel that she hoped would separate them forever.

*

Evan rode inhis carriage with Dr. Gray and Randolph as his companions. They would return to Alex’s townhome. Before he’d left, he’d asked Leah to see that his London residence had a thorough scrubbing and that they throw out the settee he’d slept on. It now stood vacant, an empty slate that called out for a woman’s touch.

He prayed that woman would be Rachel.

She would be allowed to do whatever she wanted with the place. Choose the furniture she desired. Hire the servants she wanted. She could leave her imprint on it—as she had Edgemere. It had been hard being there, knowing what a hand she’d had in revitalizing his country estate. Everywhere he turned were reminders of her. She’d not only brought Edgemere up to snuff, she’d brought him to life again after years of turning off his humanity during the war.

He would see her tonight—and he still hadn’t a clue how to approach her. If Everton was there, he would try to keep Evan from her. He wondered if he could ask Alex and Leah to somehow distract Everton and the duchess and decided against it. They’d already risked their relationship with the pair because of their support for him. He couldn’t come between Leah and her sister.

Even if he did see Rachel—and hopefully talk with her—it might not make a difference. The Season was already in full swing. With her sunny disposition and great beauty, she would have drawn many men to her. What if she’d already given her heart to another man?

He would deal with it. Just as he had his drinking these past few weeks. They’d been miserable. Daunting. Yet he emerged from the darkness somehow stronger. More resilient than ever before. He would always crave drink but knew even without Rachel in his life that he had worth. He would never devalue himself again and slip into the familiar pit of despair. He’d learned that alcohol offered only fleeting comfort. He was now invested in himself and his future at Edgemere.

Please, God... let Rachel be a part of it.

The carriage slowed and Evan glanced out the window. He saw the Alford residence on his right. He used the breathing technique Gray had taught him and calmed himself. The physician caught his eye and nodded approvingly.

They disembarked and went into the townhouse. A footman saw to his trunk. He’d brought back clothes from Edgemere, ones that fit him once again, including evening wear for tonight’s ball. Evan had barely stepped into the foyer when Leah flung herself at him, throwing her arms about him. He embraced her and kissed her cheek.

Her eyes conveyed hope to him before she ever spoke.

“I spoke to Rachel today,” she said breathlessly. “Without revealing any confidences, I will only say that you must keep the faith, Evan. I believe you have a chance.”

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