Page 85 of The Marriage Mistake

Stepping foot into a lab is like traveling to the land where feminism never happened. If you’re a woman and you want to succeed there, you play your role.

I can’t let go. Ever.

If I do, I’ll never get another research project. Then it will all be for nothing.

It’s a constant struggle to maintain control.

And, okay, maybe Ihavetaken it a bit far from time to time, but it got me where I am today.

It got me to that ceremony, award in hand.

Though that’s a hard thing to cling to, considering said award seems to have disappeared. One of many things lost in my drunken haze.

It got me Eggs.

But I’ve very likely lost that as well.

My hand aches, and I realize just how hard I’m squeezing the throttle.

I relax my grip with a force of will, breathing deeply as I do.

Maybe tearing around Bangkok while I figure this out isn’t the best of plans.

I pull off the road, killing the bike.

The silence is deafening, but I need it to think.

Hesitantly, I reach into my pocket, pulling out my phone.

I already know what’s waiting for me there, but I feel the need to check anyway.

Eggs.

There are literally dozens of missed calls from him.

It occurs to me for the first time that he may now be genuinely worried. I know I would be.

Even still, I’m not sure that I have the courage to put his mind at ease.

I check the clock. 1:20 p.m.

I’m supposed to meet up with Eggs in ten minutes for a late pre-wedding lunch.

The idea feels almost silly now, considering there may not even be a wedding.

Not after what I did.

A million images flash through my mind at the thought.

Memories of Lock.

After three years of trying to pretend he doesn’t exist, he’s now the sole occupant of my thoughts.

I can’t seem to escape him. He’s everywhere today.

Especially in my own head.

I see him smiling, laughing. I see light shining off of his naked body.

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