Page 101 of Never Lasting (Never Blue)

Tali

Slamming the door behind me,I threw my overnight bag down and collapsed on the couch. Alerted by my heavy sighs and the attention-seeking noise, Ben stuck his head out of the kitchen doorway.

“Hey, you’re back,” he said.

“I’m back.”

I’d spent another weekend in New York, and I was exhausted. Visiting Jude was always a whirlwind. He kept me in bed for hours on end, until I was too sore to take him one more time. Then we were out, partying, staying up all night, or we spent hours and hours in the recording studio. And in the few spare minutes I had, I’d study and try to get my schoolwork done.

I loved him, but holy shit, I could not keep doing this. We were three months into his absence and my liver couldn’t handle the amount of drinking and partying, and my heart couldn’t handle the constant goodbyes. I was nearing a breaking point, and I didn’t know what that meant.

Ben disappeared into the kitchen before emerging a minute later with a bowl of popcorn and bottles of water, which I happily snagged from him.

“Ah, detox. My liver thanks you,” I said as he settled beside me.

“Rough weekend?”

“Sort of. When I go up there, it’s like we cram two weeks into two days. I love seeing him, but it’s so intense, when I step into my normal life again, I need a day or two to recover.”

He hummed, head dropping back on the cushion. “When’s he coming back?”

“That’s the million-dollar question. Have you spoken to him lately?”

“Nah,” he drawled. “He’s living the rock star life, no time for a lowly mortal like me.”

I threw a piece of popcorn at him. “That’s untrue. Life is crazy at the moment, things have changed, but that doesn’t erase who you are to each other. I’m certain Jude would be thrilled if you checked in.”

He gave a lazy shrug. “We’ll see.”

Tucking my legs beneath me, I turned to my side to face Ben. Purple shadowed his eyes, and his lips were dry and cracked. He looked almost as bad as I felt.

“Did you have a fun weekend?”

“Not really. Mostly stayed home,” he said.

“I’m surprised Tino and Juan didn’t drag you somewhere.”

He shrugged again. “They tried. I wasn’t interested.”

He hadn’t been interested in much lately. As consumed as I was with school and Jude, I hadn’t failed to notice the change in Ben. He was tired often, and disinterested in most things, besides hanging out with me and sometimes Tino.

“Benny...you worry me.”

His lips curved up, while his eyes remained trained on the ceiling. “You’re sweet as sugar, Elevator Girl, but there’s nothing to worry about. I’m about ready to get out of here.”

“Where do you think you’ll go after this?” I asked.

“Not sure. It’s gotta be better than this place.”

“I think I’m offended by that. Has living here been so hellacious?”

He turned to me, his eyes sliding over my face. “Nope. Living in this house with you and Tino has been the best part of the last couple years. It can’t keep going on forever, though. I see the end.”

Sighing, we held each other’s gazes for a moment. “Have you been having nightmares again?”

A few times over the last year of living together, I’d woken up to sounds of Ben crying out, yelling the name “Christina” over and over. He’d never tell me what they were about, and I thought he was embarrassed I’d heard them. He started taking sleeping pills to ward them off, and as far as I knew, they’d faded away.

“No, I’m just tired,” he said.

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