Page 27 of To Hate You

“Yeah.” I rubbed my palm down my cheek. Talking about the part of my past that now defined me had unease settle in my gut. “I killed Federico Esposito, the oldest son of the Esposito mob Boss, and rid the world of one less evil motherfucker. My job was done. File closed, and no questions asked. Only...it wasn’t over.”

I got up, unable to sit any longer. Talking about it had me feeling those emotions all over again. “The Esposito family came after us—or rather, the Boss’s other son, taking out members of our team one by one. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t stop them.”

“They didn’t come for you?”

I scoffed. “They had other plans for me. Decided that killing the man who pulled the trigger wasn’t a high enough price for me to pay.”

“What did they do?”

I dared a glance at her, staring into her eyes which seemed sad and curious at the same time. “They took my life away from me. Destroyed my hopes and dreams.”

“Your wife,” she whispered. “That’s why you got divorced. You were protecting her.”

Goddammit. I knew I would have to tell her my soppy fucking sad story sooner or later, but I didn’t anticipate it being so damn hard, and now I couldn’t even put the words together. There wasn’t enough strength left inside me to go deeper into this conversation about what I had lost that day. Everything was already complicated enough, so I simply nodded. “Yeah.” And left it at that.

I sat down next to her and leaned my head back against the wall, allowing her closeness to seep through my skin and provide me with a sliver of comfort even though I sure as fuck didn’t deserve it. Not from her.

Placing my elbows on my knees, I looked up at the ceiling. “Needless to say, I was no longer fit for special ops duties. And for months I let the anger fester. I allowed the rage to take root inside me. So, I did what I needed to do. I bided my time until I finally got my hands on the man responsible for fucking up my life.”

Sienna shifted next to me, and I was sure I caught a glimpse of her shuddering.

“I hunted him down and slaughtered him like an animal.” My hands trembled. “I never knew I was capable of such brutality, but the more I made him bleed and heard him scream, the longer I wanted it to last.”

“Jesus,” she muttered under her breath. “Noah—”

“I killed both Esposito sons. Needless to say, I’ve been living with a target on my back ever since. It’s been six years of constantly moving, never staying in one place for too long, and never calling a single place home.” I sucked in air that didn’t reach my lungs. “I didn’t care for friends or any type of relationship. I was happy wallowing in my own pity and misery. Darkness followed me wherever I went, and I got used to it suffocating me every minute of every day.” I looked in her direction. “But then you came blazing into my life like fucking hellfire. Determined and unstoppable.”

A slight snicker slipped from her lips, and I loved the sound.

Needing to look into her eyes and feel her silky skin beneath my fingertips, I reached out and gently turned her face toward me. “You weren’t supposed to happen, Sienna. I wasn’t supposed to fall for you.”

Her eyes glittered with tears.

“But youdidhappen, and Ididfall for you.” I brushed my thumb across her plump, bottom lip. “I knew I was risking your life by being with you, but I just couldn’t stop myself. And when Oakley took you, I was convinced it was them. During those hours we searched for you, all I could think was that the Esposito cartel found me and, in turn, found you. I hated myself. And all I could think was how fucking stupid I was for letting you in.” I cupped her cheek. “Falling for you was the most reckless thing I’ve ever done, but I couldn’t stop it. I tried. I fucking tried. But you,” I wrapped my fingers around the back of her neck, clutching tight, needing her to feel what I felt, “you made it impossible for me not to love you after I thought I’d never let anyone in again.” She shivered and leaned her head to the side, her tears dripping on my arm. “I wasn’t meant to fall in love again, but I did. With you. And I had to do everything I could to protect you, even if it meant walking away. Please tell me you understand that?”

After a subtle nod, she touched my arm and brought my hand to her face, nestling her cheek deeper into my touch. Her skin was warm, soft, and every bit as beautiful as I remembered it to be.

“You could have told me,” she whispered. “You didn’t have to leave.”

“Yes, I did.” I pressed my forehead against hers. “I had to leave, Sienna. Too many have already gotten hurt because of me, and I just couldn’t let it happen to you, too.”

A soft whimper left her lips, and she leaned closer, her breath feeling like silk against my neck. “But you came back, and that means...”

She swallowed hard, and I tightened my arm around her. “They found you.”

Chapter11

Sienna

All this time I thought he had left me, it never once crossed my mind that he was doing it to protect me. Not once did it occur to me that it might have been something far more important or substantial than simply not wanting to be with me anymore. But it still hurt, and my heart was still fractured.

My mind spun, my racing thoughts making me dizzy as I tried to digest it all. “How did they find me?”

He stiffened, and cleared his throat. “We’re not sure if they found you specifically.”

“What does that mean?”

“We’ve noticed their increased presence in and around Atherton. But we’re not one hundred percent sure they’ve zeroed in on you yet. I just couldn’t risk it, which is why I had to get you out of that town asap.”

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