Page 62 of Cruel God

Every night when she’d tuck me in and whisper to me how much she loved me, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was lying. How could a person love a burden?

My brother was okay. He was old enough to get a job and help with the bills. But me? I couldn’t do anything other than making my mom cry.

That’s why I decided not to fight when they brought me here. That’s why I did everything I could to make sure I stayed here, hoping I’d never be found. I didn’t want to be a burden again.

Ever.

I looked at Rex, his blue eyes shimmering like diamonds under the moonlight. It was always his eyes that kept me mesmerized. How easy it was to tell what he was feeling simply by staring into those crystal irises.

His wet hair clung to his face as the rain came down. To others—and himself—he was a ruthless monster with no heart. To me…he was a savior.

I had been around men ever since I was taken, and I learned that there were so many ways to be a man—so many different personalities and traits existed. Yet Rex was like no other man I had ever been with. He had a darkness that lured me in, a darkness that protected me. But he had a sliver of light, too. A light that drew him to me. A light he refused to acknowledge until it became impossible. After all, all that was needed to defeat the darkness was a speck of light. A sparkle, soon to become an inferno.

Rex Cain was divine. He just didn’t know it. But I did. I knew it. I felt it in the way I had loved him for so long.

Looking back at Lily, I knew I should have felt something other than jealousy and animosity. She was once my best friend, the girl who got torn from the world alongside me. A girl who had survived the same torment. The same pain. The same hardship. Yet, all I thought about since I saw her waiting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Rex was how I wished she wasn’t there that day. That she wasn’t taken, too. Not because I wanted her to be safe out there in the world living her life, but because I didn’t want her here…with us. With Rex and me.

But I knew my place. I knew I had no right to demand anything. All I could do was make it clear in the most subtle way that her advances were not welcome. If that had earned me a punishment, I’d gladly take it.

“Hope,” Lily whispered and tried to reach out to me again. But I stepped back, discomfort tightening around my chest.

Lily frowned. “Why can’t I hug you?”

I shook my head, crossing my arms close to my chest. “I can’t.” I bit my lip, shuddering as I stared at her hands. “I can’t…”

Jesus. I couldn’t even find the words, my stomach turning violently. I didn’t even understand it myself. Tonight was the first time I experienced it.

“Butterfly?” Rex moved in next to me, and the anxiety instantly evaporated. “What’s wrong?” He took my hand in his, and I stared at where our fingers twined together. He touched me, and it had the exact opposite effect. His touch had euphoria seep through my pores, and I didn’t want him to stop.

“Hope?” He took my chin in his hand and lifted my gaze to meet his—worry swirling in the blue depths of his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I…earlier, when you…” I sucked in a breath as the memory tore through my insides. “When he touched me, it felt like a thousand razor blades peeling my skin off. And just the thought of her hugging me...” I glanced at Lily. “I can’t. Just the thought…” I pinched my eyes closed, swallowing hard, feeling like I was going to be sick any moment.

“Hey, Hope.” Rex cupped my cheeks. “It’s okay. Look…I’m touching you, and you’re okay.”

I opened my eyes, and I immediately loved the way his hands felt on my skin. Warm. Familiar. Home. It was as if his touch was my medicine, making everything feel better.

The rain went from a downpour to a drizzle, and I leaned deeper into his palm; I placed my hand over his. “It feels different when you touch me.”

“It’s because you’re mine, Butterfly. You always have been, and you always will be.”

Memories of what happened earlier rushed through my mind, reminding me how it almost killed me when Rex walked out that door. “I wanted to die,” I whispered. “When you left me with him…I wanted to die.”

Rex pulled me close, still cupping my cheeks, forcing me to look him in the eye. “I swear to you; I would never have left you there. It was the only fucking way, and when I heard your screams…Jesus, Hope—”

“Hope?”

My body froze, the blood in my veins going cold. I recognized that voice. I recognized it as if I had heard it yesterday. “Colton,” I whispered.

“Hope, is that you?”

I didn’t want to turn around. I couldn’t explain it. But I just wanted to stand there and look into Rex’s eyes. I knew it was my brother's voice. Since the night Rex told me he met my brother, I had tried to remember his voice. Tried to remember how it sounded when he called my name. And I finally did the night I spent in front of the window, watching the moon and the stars, my mind flipping through memories like a movie. I remembered his voice, and I knew it was him who stood behind me. But I didn’t want to turn around. Why wouldn’t I want to look at him?

“Jesus, Hope.” A hand grabbed my elbow, and I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs—a deafening shriek tearing from my throat as a thousand blades cut across my skin, insects swarming to the raw flesh, crawling all over my body.

“Fuck. Hope!” Rex. I heard him, but he was so far away, the horror drowning out his voice. No. Oh no. I became deaf to the comfort of his voice. No.

No.

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