Page 74 of Regret

“Would you please just stop this stubborn bullshit attitude of yours and let me in?”

Staring at the door, she whispered, “I think I already have.”

“Please just open the goddamn door.”

She looked down at the spot where he held her that morning. The spot where he managed to yet again silence her demons. He was right the night before. This was a dangerous game she was playing with him. The only problem was she didn’t know what the game was until now. Without her realizing it, the walls around her heart were slowly breaking down brick by brick. Ever since she met him, he had been so protective over her, wanting to help her for some reason. At first, she thought he was just full of shit. But now she found herself in a place where she wanted to believe him, where she wanted to know what it felt like to have someone who wanted to protect her, who thought she was worthy to protect. Was it so damn wrong to want something whole in her life, something untainted and beautiful? To let someone in and allow them to care for her?

“Scar, please. Open the door.”

She closed her eyes, trying not to think about how it felt to have his arms around her. It made her feel safe, it made her feel warmer than she had in years. Maybe that was why she allowed herself to break in his arms earlier. It wasn’t the nightmare, or the memories. It was because of how she felt in his arms. It was the fact that for years she yearned to feel the warmth of someone who cared for her, and that morning she felt that…and it shattered her, feeling what she had been missing for so long. But it was reckless of her to allow herself to feel anything. There was a part of her that believed the promise he made earlier, to keep her safe, but she wasn’t confident enough in herself to trust that part of her. To trust the part of her that really wanted to stay with him, to be protected by him.

No.

No. She couldn’t trust it. There was too much at stake. Like her heart—her life. She had spent too much time, cried too many tears in order to harden herself against ever getting hurt again. There was no way she could allow anyone to break down the walls she had built, to tear down her defenses.

With a deep breath, she steeled herself against the feelings wreaking havoc inside her.

God, there were just too many voices inside her head—voices that told her she needed to let her guard down and to let him in, and voices that shouted at her to stop being naïve and to not trust him. She couldn’t let anyone in. That would be stupid and reckless. Besides, Hunter had made it pretty clear that what happened between them last night would not happen again. And to be honest, it sounded like they were both just too fucked up to mean anything to each other. Two broken people couldn’t make a whole. They would only destroy each other more.

Catching sight of the bags of clothing she’d bought the day before, she knew exactly what she needed to do to get some clear perspective. And she was going to do it. Tonight.

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