Page 59 of Alexis

She didn’t look up, but she could sense him swiftly moving toward her to kneel on the ground beside her.

“It’s okay. I’m fine,” he told her. “I used the kick, just like you taught me. Didn’t you see it?”

She nodded, sobbing so hard she couldn’t speak.

“Alexis, what’s wrong?” he asked her softly.

“I can’t do this,” she managed at last, swiping at the tears on her face.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“It’s my fault it’s not working,” she told him, looking down at her hands in shame. “I-I’m afraid for it to work because…”

She trailed off, knowing he was going to be furious.

To his credit, Tiago waited, listening patiently.

“I know what I signed on for,” she said. “I promised that if I was able to conceive and bear a child I would walk away, knowing I had made another desperate parent’s dream come true.”

He nodded.

“But, Tiago, I… I don’t think I really could walk away,” she admitted, the tears burning her eyes again. “I’m not as kind or as generous as I thought. But how could I ever leave a child behind? And the more I get to know you, the worse it is. Because… I wouldn’t just be walking away from my baby. I would be walking away fromourbaby.”

She could see the little ruby face in her mind’s eye again and the pain was too much. She wrapped her arms around her chest and rocked herself, letting the tears fall again.

Beside her, Tiago sat back on his heels, looking almost thunderstruck.

“S-say something,” she begged him. “Please. I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? I know you fought your way here because you want a baby, and because you’ve spent so many credits…”

“No,” he said suddenly. “I didn’t come back here because I want a baby, or because I spent so many credits. I came back here foryou,Alexis.”

“Y-you did?” she stammered, lowering her hands to her knees.

“Alexis, you taught me something important today,” he said. “And now I want to teach you something, too. Something I learned a long time ago, from my very first coach. Is that okay?”

“I’d like that,” she said, scooting over slightly so that her back was to the wall and she could sit cross-legged in front of him.

“In training and in fighting, we have a motto that we live by:Leave it all on the mat,”he said. “It means to fight without holding back, without fear, so we can walk away without regret.”

She met his eye and nodded. She understood that notion well.

“I feel like to a certain extent you do the same thing,” he told her. “I see how hard you work to do what you do. Not just on the boards, but at home too.”

She smiled.

“But you aren’t quite leaving itallon the mat,” he said softly. “One day, I’ll get a big injury, or a bunch of little ones will add up. One fight will be my last, and I might never know which.”

She nodded, sensing what was coming.

“And one day, it’s true, your ankle might very well end your career,” he said. “And if it doesn’t, then something else definitely will.”

She felt the pain, like a sledgehammer to her chest.

And then she was stunned to feel comfort in its wake.

It was areliefto hear someone acknowledge that the worst would one day happen, that she didn’t fear it in vain.

“You might have a long career, and then retire on your own terms,” he said, shrugging. “But you won’t dance forever. No one does. That’s part of what makes it special. That’s part of what makes it bearable to dedicate your life to such a demanding sport.”

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