Page 140 of Sing it, Sam

“Cool.”I’ll be attacking it later.

In a very unladylike fashion, I finish my breakfast in a few minutes flat. And now I might puke.

Ben takes our dishes, rinses them in the sink, and returns to his seat. He smooths his hands down the front of his jean-clad thighs and then rubs at the back of his neck. “So, um,” he mumbles and stands, tucks in his chair and grips the top of it. “I’ve organised for a small service at the chapel on the hill at Logan Falls on Friday.”

In two days?“So soon?” I say in a high-pitched voice.

“Yeah, well these things usually happen pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, I guess they do.”Just like Sam leaving us.

Am I ready to do this? To see him lowered into the ground forever?

“There’s a plot beside Mum. I can’t believe he’ll be there next to her. Six feet under.” Ben scrapes his hand through his hair. “God, I’m sorry. You probably don’t wanna hear this.”

“Don’t apologise. No, it’s not easy to hear, but it is what it is.” As much as it feels like a thousand knives cutting me on the inside.

Ben takes in a few deeps breaths and clears his throat. “There’s something I’m having trouble with. Maybe you could help?”

This must be so difficult for him. With the absence of his mother, and his father being deployed goodness knows where, he’s doing this on his own.Burying his only brother.“I’ll do my best.”

Ben uncovers a notepad from the pile of paperwork, and huffs as he flicks through its pages. “I have no idea what song to play at the funeral. Any ideas? Music was such a big part of his life. I want it to be perfect. I want it to be the way he would have wanted. We never talked about making these plans because I never thought it’d come to this. I never thought he’d die.”

And isn’t that the kicker. No one saw this coming. “‘Forever Young’,” I say and nod repeatedly. “It has to be.”

Shock mars his face. He sits back down, his brows knitted together. “What did you say?”

“‘Forever Young’—you know by Bob Dylan? He told me if he could’ve written any song in history, that’d be the one.”

“Jesus,” he says under his breath. “Sam sang it at Mum’s funeral. I’ll never forget it. It was her favourite song. I guess it’s fitting to play it at his service, too.”

Tears brim in my eyes as I imagine Sam being reunited with his mother. In my eyes, Sam will be forever young.

“What about getting together afterwards? I can organise food and drinks.”

Ben’s shoulders sag. “Yeah, I haven’t quite got to that either. I don’t wanna ask for help from people I barely know.”

“Leave that part to me, okay?” I finish up the last of my coffee and stand. “I think I need to go home. I’ll be able to do more from there.”And fresh clothes are a must.

“Yeah. I’ll probably head up to the falls in the morning. I need to meet with the minister.”

Eek.I straighten my spine and take in a deep breath. “Well, there’s an uncomfortable couch with your name on it, ’kay?”

Ben holds out both hands. I take them in mine. “Between now and then, if you need to talk, you have my number.”

“Thanks.”

My heart breaks all over again when I have to pack my things. The problem is, I want to take half of Sam’s wardrobe with me. I compromise and take his black Counting Crows T-shirt.

***

On the drive home, I ring Kathleen on speaker and ask her to send me a few contacts so that I can get the catering for the wake organised. She takes the job off my hands and refuses to let me get involved.

I call Britt and tell her the news. Somehow, I get the feeling she knew this was coming. I ask her to let the rest of the group know and tell them that maybe in a few weeks, I’ll be ready to come back. She promises that they’ll all be there for me on Friday, which brings me to tears.

When I call my mum, it goes straight to voicemail. Her message tells me she’ll be out of service for the next two weeks. I don’t leave a message. I try Dad’s phone and receive a similar message. My heart sinks. I wouldn’t have expected them to abandon their travels and come home to support me, but it would’ve been nice to at least talk to them, hear their voices.

Butch is beside himself when I let myself into Kathleen’s backyard to pick him up. When we get home and settled, I tell him about Sam. As I cry, Butch whines and licks at my face, my little fella doing what he always does when my life is in emotional turmoil. But it’s never been like this.

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