Page 76 of Sugarloaf Ridge Lies

“I hope that was okay?” she says in a quiet voice.

“Yeah.” My fingers tangle in a knot on my lap. “It was probably for the best.”

Something niggles deep inside. Had he been sitting outside all that time, mulling over what I said? Does Jerry still want me? Is that possible?

Nat places her hand on my lap. “You really like him, don’t you?”

I huff out a breath and a nervous laugh escapes me. “I do, but it’s... shit.” Why now? Why do I find someone that I truly care about, have a spark with when my life is in total disarray? “He made me feel special. No one’s done that in a long time.”

Oh, Jerry. Why did I have to start something? I’ve only hurt us both. No matter how hard I try I can’t get him out of my mind. The way he held me, the way our bodies moved together when we danced.

“Oh, babe.” Nat pouts.

I wrap my dressing gown tighter around my chest. “What am I supposed to do?”

Nat rubs my shoulder. “You focus on you.”

How do I tell her that I don’t want to? That some mornings I wake up wishing the pregnancy was a dream? I’m a bad person, a bad mother... and I haven’t even had the child yet.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Nat’s word cut the silence and ramblings inside my head.

“Not much.” Eating, sitting around, avoiding things I need to do.

“I’m taking a drive out to that new Baby Bunting store to get some things for the nursery. Want to come?”

Am I ready to do that? Look at prams and itty-bitty clothes? Will it be too overwhelming?

“Liv,” she says calmly, as if sensing my unease. “It’s up to you. No pressure.”

I swallow hard. I can’t fight the inevitable. This baby is coming, whether I’m ready for it or not.

***

Nat and I dawdled fromaisle to aisle of the massive baby warehouse. I even sent photos of my shopping expedition to Aunt Jean to let her know I was okay and to show her I’ve managed to be an adult and purchase some maternity clothes. But what filled my heart immensely was when Nat agreed to be my chaperone at my first ultrasound.

Now Monday morning, Nat’s fingers weave between mine, and she squeezes my hand as the ultrasound technician squirts a clear jelly on my lower stomach.

“Sorry, this will be a little cold,” the young woman says. Bright skin and the absence of lines at the sides of her eyes tells me she’s probably my age.Will she think it’s weird I’m here without the father?

The rapid beating of a heart fills the room. An image with a head, arms, and legs appears on screen. A sob bursts from my mouth. “Oh, my God!” I laugh. “It’s real.” Tears prick at my eyes.

My heart trips; I’m in love.

“So, you’re responsible for all my visits to the toilet bowl, huh?”

“Had a hard time with morning sickness?” the technician asks.

“Yeah, but I’m much better now.”

“That’s good.” She prints off a black and white image of the baby, smiling as she hands it to me. “For the baby book. I’ll send the scans to the Birthing Centre this evening once the doctor has reviewed them. You said you’ve already had the twelve-week blood test, so you can see your midwife in the next day or two.”

“Great,” I say with a nod. It’s all happening.

The technician takes a few more images and then gives me a washer to wipe the gel from my stomach. “In a few weeks you’ll able to see what you’re having. Do you want to come back to find out?”

I turn to Nat. “I don’t know. Do I want to find out?”

She places her hand over mine. “That’s completely up to you. It might help you bond, but at the same time, it’ll be a nice surprise for you at the end of a long pregnancy.”

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