Page 143 of Sugarloaf Ridge Lies

Chapter Forty-Five

Jerry

My temperature spikes.

Does my own fucking mother not want me to be happy?

“How long were you eavesdroppin’ for?” Mum barks, as if gravel is lodged in her throat.

I growl under my breath. She’s inmyhouse, goddamn it. She doesn’t get to be pissed. Not after that conversation.

“Long enough.”

I remove my hat and rake my fingers through my sweaty hair as I pace back and forth on the rocky path from the porch. “I’m trying real fuckin’ hard to not lose my shit.”

“You know I worry,” she says after a pause.

Some fucking apology.

I shove my hat back on and hook my hands on my hips. “Do you? Because I can’t remember the last time you checked in. Dropped by. You and Finn...” I’m not an idiot. They’ve always shared a stronger bond. She’s never admitted it, but I know. We all fuckin’ know. It’s why I left the station the moment I could support myself. I love my brother, but I always competed for her affection, her attention.Not that she gives it freely.

“You know how things are at the station.”

“Do you want me to be a part of your life?” I blurt out.

“Of course.”

“Then don’t push me away because that’s exactly what you’re doin’.”

She lowers her gaze to the scuffed timber of the porch. Mum never accepts when she’s in the wrong. I’ve never seen her back down when her and Dad disagreed over something.

“I know I’m not Finn.”

She gawks at me.

“I’m not perfect, Ma. But I’m trying so fuckin’ hard to be good. To not dwell on the fact that my father was an evil man. That he could have done the unspeakable to my mother—”

“Jerry.” She shakes her head.

“I want this.” My body trembles as I bark out the words.

“Are you seriously tellin’ me you’re ready to raise a child?”

“Yes.” I have my doubts; how I’ll be as a role model, and if I can handle the sleepless nights and being responsible for another person.Surely everyone feels that way about parenthood?

Her slight eye roll has me gritting my teeth.Fuck me. She doesn’t believe I can do it. Well, that’s just fucking peachy.

“I don’t need your support, Ma, but I’d prefer to have it. And I’m sure your unborn grandchild won’t look at you any different. Related by blood or not. Food for thought.”

“Goddamn it, Jericho,” she curses and kicks the ground with her worn boots.

“Next time you see Liv, an apology is in order.”

The way Liv fought for me, with my own mother, it restores my faith. There’s someone out there for everyone, and Liv is that person for me. She barely knows me yet has my best interests at heart.More than the woman who cared for me as a child.

She grunts. “What she’s suggesting, tellin’ everyone you’re adopted, you know that can’t happen. I can’t believe you opened your mouth. You should’ve done me the courtesy of talkin’ to me first. How do you know you can even trust her?”

Fuck me dead. I rub my fingers across the tightness of my brow. As much as I adore Liv for wanting to help me, it’s something I’m gonna have to think hard about. I hate to admit it, but Mum is right about one thing. My origins, and the complications that go with it; it’s family business. And there’s a whole lot of shit that could unravel once that truth is out there.

---