Page 120 of Sugarloaf Ridge Lies

“Yeah.” I pause, contemplating his drunken rambles before I took him to bed. “It’s just one day he wants to be a family, the next he’s worried I’m going to choose the father of the child over him. It’s a big deal raising another man’s child, and I don’t want him to regret his decision. If he’s having doubts...”

“What he’s feeling is normal. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s a messy situation. It’s not your fault, it’s simply life.”

“I know, and as much as I want to be with Jerry, I have to put the baby first.” I swallow hard. “What if I get in too deep? To the point where I need him?”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing. It’s okay to lean on someone.”

Doubt creeps in, taunting my strong feelings for Jerry. It’s a potent cocktail potentially headed for disaster. “What if he changes his mind? Decides having a child, someone else’s child, is too much? Then what?”

“Liv.” A warning.

“I mean it. He has a change of heart and then I’ll be left to pick up the pieces in the aftermathandraise a child on my own.” Which I was ready to do in the first place, only it seems more daunting now.

“You have to give it a chance. It’s a while before the baby arrives.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to do this alone from the get-go? No expectations, no disappointment?” I ask the question, but I know I couldn’t walk out the door, forever wondering what we could have truly had. I want Jerry. Breaking up with him the first time was torture. Losing him again after how close we’ve become, will ruin me.

A heavy sigh echoes down the line. “Liv, you could be happy with him, you can have it all. You just have to allow yourself to have it. Manifest whatyouwant. Put it out into the universe.”

“The universe?” I scoff. “Don’t go getting all hippy on me.”

She laughs. “You know what I’m saying. If you both love each other, everything else will sort itself out. It sounds like Jerry’s done everything he can to show you how he feels.”

“He has, but he has issues.”The drinking and fighting, and now with the guy pressing charges... we need to do something about that problem, somehow.

Whilst I was wary of what Aunt Jean would think about the charges, I had to tell her. If anything, I think she likes Jerry more. My knight in worn work boots, coming to my aid.Not that I needed help.

“No one’s perfect, Livvy. Give yourselves time. It’s a big step for both of you. You owe it to yourself, and your child to try. Raising a child alone is hard work.”

My chest tightens. “I know.”

Jean had it tough as a single parent. When Jayson was diagnosed with autism at around two years of age, her partner hit the highway and never turned back. In the few years he was with Aunt Jean, I never grew close with Uncle Dominic. I sensed he didn’t like kids. I guess his departure was proof of that. How could he abandon his own flesh and blood like that? Did he even want to have kids? It’s a conversation I’ve never had with my aunt. I don’t think it would help after so much time has passed.

“Liv, you have the chance to raise a child in a loving relationship. After what your father put you and your mother through, you can see how that’s worth a try, right?”

The mention of him has my skin prickling all over. I hated how he’d put her down, treat her like less of a person because she didn’t contribute financially. He would largely ignore us, but when we attended work events it was like a switch was flipped. He’d dote on us as his most beloved.

“Of course. I’d do anything to give this baby two parents that will love them no matter what.”

“Then I think you have your answer. Sometimes the greatest risks reap the greatest rewards.”

My heart swells. Jerry is worth it. We’ll get through this, somehow.

Jean promises to visit soon. After hanging up, I check on Jerry. It’s a wonder the tin doesn’t lift from the roof with snoring loud enough to rock the old cottage’s foundations.I’ll get a better night’s rest sleeping on my own.

I change into my pyjamas and make myself a hot chocolate. As I savour the sweetness and being warmed from the inside, I read the court documents in more detail. One thing is for certain... I need to find this Geoffrey James Clayton.

We need to talk.

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