Page 56 of Sugarloaf Ridge Lies

Come Sunday, I knowI can’t ignore him any longer. It’s cruel to keep him hanging.

It’s time to end it. What man wants to take on the child of another guy, especially with a woman they barely know?

I can’t burden Jerry with this. We only just started to get our shit together, as much as my feelings are growing.

I dial his number.

“Hey,” he croons. “There y’are.”

“Hi.” My voice is small as I toy with my silver heart necklace.

“Have you been okay?” The hope in his voice is like a punch to the stomach.

“Yeah, getting there. Listen, I—”

“I’m sorry. For whatever it is I’ve done.”

He thinks he’s the cause of me climbing into my shell and avoiding the world.

Instead of setting him straight I dive right in. I can’t hash this out with him. It has to be quick. “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship.”

Silence.

“Jerry?”

Silence.

“You there?”

“You think or you know?” I don’t miss the hoarseness to his voice.

“I know,” I lie.

“Liv,” he says on an exhale. “Can we talk about this? I know relationships can be hard, but I’m here for you. Was it somethin’ I did?”Oh, Jerry. This would be easier if you had. Guilt wouldn’t be festering in my insides as it is now.

My throat grows thick. “I think it’s for the best we don’t see each other anymore.”

“But—”

“Bye, Jerry.” My body trembles as I disconnect the call.

I burst into tears and cover my mouth with my hands as sobs rack my body.

Why, oh why? Why is this happening to me? I finally find someone I can connect with, and now I can’t have him?

I succumb to the depths of my emotion, blubbering and talking to myself like a crazy person, Jerry’s name on my lips and etched into my battered heart.

In my head I had to do it, but my heart twists and protests inside my chest.

What have I done?

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