Page 55 of Sugarloaf Ridge Lies

Chapter Sixteen

Liv

Saliva builds in mymouth and my head spins.I’m pregnant?

No. No. No.It can’t be right.

I give the test another minute, but the result doesn’t change. “Goddamn it.” The plastic stick lands in the waste bin with a ping.

I’m pretty sure we were careful.Damn farewell party.What was his name? Kyle? Kurt? Kane?

Emptying the second test from the box, I rip open the wrapper and repeat the process.

Another two minutes.

Another two pink lines.

No way.

Heart in my throat, I drag myself to the living room and swaddle myself in the nearest blanket.

This is not a crazy dream.

A life. A precious life is growing inside of me...

My insides heave as I try to recall that night. The fog of Grey Goose vodka strangles my brain.

Did we use protection?

We both got what we wanted. Release. Intimacy. No strings. It was my goodbye to Canberra, the Nation’s capital. The end of the old me, making way to the birth of the new. The teacher. The person my family would be proud of if they were alive.

How can I be a mother when I’m barely taking care of myself? Fumbling through life trying to find my way with my career.

And then there’s Jerry. Sweet heat-my-blood-with-a-simple-gaze Jerry.

It’s like a knife to my insides, knowing what must be done. I have to end it before we get any deeper. I’ve fallen hard for him, but he didn’t sign up for a two-for-one deal. I wouldn’t expect him to take on a father role. I don’t even know if he wants kids.

I can’t tell him. It would kill me to see the disappointment in his eyes. The look that accuses me of being reckless, putting myself in a position like this.But would he look at me like that?

He barely knows me. Who knows how he’ll react?

***

The next morning myhead hovers over the toilet bowl at the break of dawn.Hello, again.

I miss a call from Jerry on my way to work. Unable to talk to him, I let it go to voicemail. This is all too much. My brain is frozen on those two pink lines as if it’s burned into the back of my retinas.

After reading up on some tips for fighting morning sickness, it’s all I can do to stay present in class.

With a room full of kids.

All the while having one growing inside me.

I push on smile after smile and laugh as if I’m fine, as if my world hasn’t just been upended.

Once home, to the safety of my couch, I turn off my phone and shut out the world.

***

---