Page 53 of Lost (Powertools: The Shields 2)

“How did you know Vex had contacted me about flipping on the Shields?” Knox narrowed his eyes at Ruby, who finger waved.

“Yeah, she knows everything that comes in and out of the building, communication-wise.” Jordan shrugged. “Besides, you gave her your phone the day you told us about your history with the Vipers. Fair warning, she’ll probably perv over any dick pics you send Kennedy or Marcus with that thing too.”

“Hey! Don’t ruin my fun.” Ruby threw her hands up.

“Okay, fine, but how did you know I was lying to Vex and not to you guys when I said I’d come back if he cut me in on a bigger percentage of the profits and gave me more turf?” Knox felt like he might be sick repeating that load of bullshit, though Vex had obviously believed it. The man had never understood there were more valuable things in life than drugs, clout, and cash.

“Sometimes you have to trust your gut.” Jordan reclined in the chair, tipping it back as he rocked gently. “I see the way you look at Kennedy, and now Marcus too. There was no way in hell you were going to stab them in the back.”

“Do you think there’s any way they could believe that after everything that’s happened? And could they ever get over all that I’ve put them through? I don’t want to hang around if I’m just going to fuck things up for them,” Knox blurted, unsure if he was asking them as colleagues or…as friends.

Ruby raised her hand. “I’ve got this. Hold, please.”

With a few keystrokes, she’d projected a clip onto the giant screen. Based on the angle, it was probably from Marcus’s body cam. Knox cringed when he saw himself drop the lighter from the balcony, reliving the moment he was sure he’d signed his own death certificate. But what he hadn’t experienced without his comms and as he’d tumbled off the walkway—which had ultimately saved him as it put him right next to the backdoor and the slab of reinforced steel that had protected him from the bulk of the blast—was Kennedy’s gut-wrenching wails.

She’d thought he was gone.

When Marcus’s feed ended, Ruby swapped it for Aarav’s. Kennedy’s grief was palpable as seen from the sniper’s body cam. It caused Knox to double over and clutch his gut.

“Enough.” Jordan flicked his hand at Ruby, who shut the video off.

“That’s not the reaction of a woman who hates you,” James said quietly. “And Marcus risked his life to go back and look for you when none of us had a speck of hope.”

“He hauled me out from under the door and some other shit, which had flipped on top of me. I don’t know how it didn’t crush me, but I wouldn’t have gotten free on my own. The flames were coming and then Marcus was there. I don’t remember much after that.” Nor did he want to. Knox shuddered.

“They love you, Knox.” James tried again. “It might take them a minute to learn to trust you without a doubt. To let those old injuries scab over and to have absolute faith, but the foundation is there. Don’t leave and set your relationship back even further.”

Knox was more confused than ever. “I see what you’re showing me. I do.”

In fact, he might never get Kennedy’s screams out of his mind.

“It’s still tough for me to comprehend, though. Why would two people as fucking decent as them want me?” He stared at Jordan, looking for the slightest twitch in the man’s demeanor. “Can you really sit there with a straight face and tell me you didn’t assign Marcus to befriend me in order to get as much dirt as possible for this job?”

Jordan grimaced. “Of course that was part of his assignment.”

Spy shit was a giant mind fuck. Knox sighed.

“And we all know Kennedy fucked me for the same reason.” He shook his head ruefully. “Not that I’m complaining. I’ll take what I can get. But now that this is over, maybe we’ll find they’re not that into me anymore.”

“You’re so dumb.” Ruby let her skull crash into the headrest of her chair as she rolled her eyes dramatically. “Almost as bad as Aarav, I swear.”

“He’s not stupid, he’s lost.” James tapped the eraser of his pencil on his planner. “Until you believe that you’re worthy of anyone’s devotion and desire, nothing we say is going to convince you of how serious Marcus and Kennedy are about you. I just hope you figure it out before it’s too late.”

“I can’t say I’m never going to fuck up again.” Knox thought about Gavyn and Roman’s numbers in his phone and how he was going to call them the instant he got out of this damn meeting. He could still smell the liquor that had been in the glass he’d smashed on Vex’s skull. “Maybe it would be better if I left Marcus and Kennedy alone so they can have something real, something that I don’t fuck up.”

“I have a better idea,” James said. “Take Jordan up on his offer, become one of us. And do something to show your lovers you’re committed to them. Not just for a minute, but forever.”

“Sure, sounds simple.” Knox pinched the bridge of his nose. “How the fuck am I going to do that?”

“I know exactly how.” James beamed.

After James explained, and called one of their friends who had the unique skills to make it happen, Knox started to believe too. “Okay. I like it.”

“So is that a yes?” Jordan raised a brow and smirked.

“Hellyes.” Knox knuckled the corner of his eye as everything that had happened and might yet overwhelmed him. This time, in a positive way.

Jordan stood and circled around to Knox. He stuck out his hand and Knox shook it, hoping the other man couldn’t feel him trembling. “Welcome to the Shields.”

“Thank you. Honestly, all of you saved my life.”

“I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to return the favor around here.” Jordan patted Knox on the back, saluted James and Ruby, then strolled from the room, whistling. His own husband and wife—Kason and Wren—were probably upstairs, waiting to lift the weight of the stress he bore as the head of their operation from his shoulders.

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