Page 44 of Joy Ride

“You know, you’re exactly right.”Dane hadn’t ever put his finger on it quite like Joy did.She saw things so clearly sometimes.“At least about his puppeteering.He’s been pulling that shit forever.Hell, even when we were kids.I could tell how attracted he was to you.But instead of crossing whatever line he thought there was because your mom and his dad hooked up, he tried to push us closer together.That way he’d have another excuse to tell himself what he hungered for was wrong.I can’t tell you how many times he told me back then that I should sleep with you.That you wanted to take our relationship further.”

“I did.”Joy proved Walker right again.“But if you didn’t want the same thing…”

“What?You can’t really believe that, can you?”Dane tipped her chin up so he could read the answer in her stare.She did.“I was trying to do the right thing.Let you grow up some.I figured we had plenty of time to get more serious.Of course, I couldn’t have been more wrong about that.”

“I hate to say this, but I think you were right too.Because what happened with Clive was such a shock to me.I know it’s not the same thing at all as a loving relationship, or even what we did today, but…I probably wasn’t ready yet no matter how much I thought otherwise.”

“The part that haunts me, even now…” Dane pinched the bridge of his nose until Joy brushed his hand aside and kissed him affectionately, soothingly.When she stroked his hair, he admitted, “If I had done what Walker said and slept with you, I could have made it obvious around Wildfire.Where I went wrong was trying to keep things between us private and discreet because I thought I was looking out for you—”

“Oh.”Joy’s smile faded.“That’s why you blame yourself?”

“There are a lot of things I’d change if I could.Yes.If we’d done things Walker’s way, and everyone knew you were already mine, there wouldn’t have been any claim for Clive to stake.Those guys are assholes, every one of them, but screwing with someone’s old lady is one of the things they take dead serious.”Dane drew several shallow breaths to keep a panic attack at bay.He hadn’t had one of those in a few years, but when he had, Walker had been there to calm him down and distract him.He got himself together before continuing, “I’m not aggressive enough, never have been.And you’re the one that paid the price for it.Walker’s way better at that than me.When we’re together, he takes care of it for us.”

“You balance each other out.”Joy folded her hands on his chest, then rested her chin on her fingers.“I always thought that about your friendship, so it makes sense that it’s true in bed too.”

“So what will I do without my other half?Will I still be a man you’re interested in having as your partner without him?I can’t even imagine it, Joy.”

It struck him then that he might have redefined their boundaries again.It might already be too late to go back to what they had been.Hell, that might have changed the night they’d slept with Joy and got her pregnant, even if they hadn’t realized it then.

“Don’t freak out, Dane.”Joy kissed his cheek.“Walker approves of this.Us.”

“He says he does.But deep down…” Dane shook his head.“No, I don’t think so.He’s always desired you for himself.This peace won’t last.It’s going to break us all apart.And as much as I love you—and I swear to God I do, Joy—I don’t know if I can live with wounding him like I’ve done to you.Worst of all, I’m tired of hurting myself.I don’t want to lose either of you, as my friends or my lovers.That might be selfish as fuck but there it is.What the fuck are we going to do?”

“He’s not going to be mad or hold it against us,” Joy tried to reassure him with a soft laugh.“Hell, he’s the one who sent me to you.”

“What you do mean?”Dane sat up straight, dumping Joy onto the pillows as his eyes narrowed.

“The other day, he told me to seduce you because we were meant to be together.”

“So that’s why you did this?”Dane asked, horrified.“Not because you wanted to sleep with me, but because Walker told you to?That’s fucked up, Joy.”

He rolled from bed and stood up, yanking on his pants.Now that his dick wasn’t influencing his decisions, he thought he might have royally screwed up.Again.

“Dane…that’s not exactly—”

“Fuck that.When is he going to learn he doesn’t pull the strings?He’s acting like his scumbag father, trying to rule everyone’s lives and orchestrate what he thinks is best for them.I’m not a pawn in his dirty games, and you and Arden sure as hell shouldn’t be either.I’m going to kick his motherfucking ass.Maybe it’s time I grew some balls and did things the way I was expected to before, no matter how much I hated it.”

“Dane, this is a mistake.Wait!”

“No, I’m done waiting.I’m done being the nice guy.The doormat.Fuck this.”Dane stomped to the door, jammed his boots on his feet, then cracked his knuckles.He was going to fix this shit once and for all.

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