Page 51 of Hard Ride

And when he did, he figured he might as well go all the way and admit some more ways in which he was fucked up.That night had razed him, too.

“Here’s the thing, Kyra…I realize that sometimes you think Van is overprotective and stifling.”Ollie still clutched her, so he felt it when she nodded against him.“But honestly, that makes me feel better.I haven’t been able to let myself feel for someone the way I feel for you.I tried—so damn hard—to keep myself from falling for you, too.Especially since there are times where you’re going to be far away from me, where anything could happen and I won’t be there to stop it.After getting to know Van, and seeing how he takes care of you, it clicked.He does a far better job than I could ever do to protect you.That’s what made me comfortable enough to move forward.That’swhy I caved and kissed you after the concert that night.I’m glad you have him looking out for you.One reason I think I’ve never been open to a long-term relationship before was because…”

“You’re afraid of losing someone you love,” Van said simply.

“Yeah.”It was true even if that made him a coward.

“I get that.”Van paced in front of them.“After we buried my mom, I didn’t know what to do.I got schlepped around with all the other kids of the migrant workers until I was fifteen, and I ran away, looking for…I don’t know what.I ended up in New York, walking around the city all night, until the dizzying lights made me realize I was truly on my own.I had no idea what to do with the rest of my life.Some assholes tried to jump me and I fought back.The guy who owned the bar next door saw.Carlos took me in, cleaned me up, and offered me a job as a bouncer.Even then, I was big for my age.He never asked how old I was and I never told him.Besides, it was my job to take people’s keys and call them a cab when they’d had too much to drink, which felt right, considering...Anyway, after a couple of years saving my money, I started taking riskier jobs that paid better until I had my own security service.I don’t know if I was meant to do this, or if it’s some kind of crutch that helps me get by because of what I’ve been through.But I do believe there’s a purpose for all of us, and I’m glad that my twisted need to do this somehow made your fucked up brain rest a little easier.”

Ollie never would have thought it was possible, but in the middle of everything, Van made him laugh.

On that note, they sat in silence for a while, each of them lost in their own thoughts about how they’d gotten there, how they fit so well together, and what they should do about it.Ollie finally allowed his panic to retreat enough to admit to himself that he was already in love with Kyra.And Van…well, the guy was becoming something like a best friend.Except more…

Someone he wouldn’t mind being bound to forever by the woman they both adored.

The fire had died down to embers by the time Ollie realized Kyra was hugging herself to stay warm.Neither she nor Van had stacked more wood on the blaze after his disclosure, and soon it would put itself out.The moon and stars were barely enough to see by and, in the distance, coyotes howled.

“We should probably go in,” Van said.

As much as some part of Ollie urged him to take refuge in his home and pretend they’d never had this conversation, he couldn’t.Not yet.“Go ahead.I’ll be inside in a few minutes.As soon as I make sure this fire is really out.”

He stood and took the hose he’d laid out before lighting the bonfire, preparing to douse everything inside the circle of stones and what lay a few feet beyond it for good measure.He’d never risk Kyra’s or Van’s or Mr.Prickles’ or anyone else’s safety.Not even his own.Never again.

“I can do that for you,” Van offered.

“Nah.No offense, but I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t see it for myself.”Ollie wondered if anyone had ever noticed he was always the one to put out the fires they sat around at Hot Rides.Those summer evenings had been some of his best nights, and also a vivid reminder of why he didn’t deserve to be as happy as the rest of them.

“Okay.I get that.”Van put his hand on Ollie’s shoulder and squeezed.“I would do the same if I was you.I’ll hang out until you’re comfortable, give it a double check if you’d like.”

“Yeah, that would be great.Thanks.”Out of the corner of his eye, Ollie spied Kyra watching them.

She smiled, blew them a kiss, then headed inside saying, “I’ll feed Mr.Prickles and start some hot chocolate.”

“I can think of better ways to stay warm tonight.”Van bumped his shoulder into Ollie, knocking him slightly off balance.His hand reached out and steadied Ollie.If it lingered a little longer than necessary in the middle of his back, neither of them mentioned it.

Ollie murmured, “Sounds good to me.”

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