Page 14 of Slow Ride

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Wren hated this place.She almost never came here.Hadn’t even when Johnny had first been killed.It wasn’t that the cemetery creeped her out or made her even more miserable than she already was.It just seemed so cold.So quiet.So devoid of life.Everything Johnny had never been.

Usually when she wanted to feel close to him, she went for a walk at the lake.Today, she would make an exception.

She stuffed her hand in the pocket of her ripped jeans and fingered the thick paper there as she climbed up the grassy hill to Johnny’s grave.It was in a pretty spot, tucked beneath a massive, gnarled oak tree that was raining crimson leaves at the moment.

Wren spent a few minutes tidying things up, dusting off the area around his headstone and tracing his name with her index finger.Eventually, she gave up as more leaves skittered around, settling over his plot like pools of blood, reminding her that she could never change what had happened.So she dropped from a squat to her ass on the ground, wrapped her leather jacket tighter around her and pulled out her phone.

She couldn’t say what made her do it, but she flipped open her music app and poked the label for Kason Cox.His timeless voice rang out, chasing the chill out of the air and her bones.Maybe a few other places too.

As she sat with her back leaning up against Johnny’s tombstone, her legs out straight and crossed at the ankles, the memory of Kason’s intense green eyes and his easy laughter did something to her that was as potent as the effect his voice had on her.Was it because those attributes reminded her of Johnny’s similar features or because she might finally be coming alive again inside?

Wren listened to the music and closed her eyes.She imagined dancing with Johnny in the moonlight while Jordan watched, which inevitably led to having sex with both of them under the stars.She knew why Jordan had been willing to share her, but what about Johnny?

He’d once said, “I love that I get to see you like this.When you come for him, you’re living with abandon.Those are the times I think I know you best.This is who you were meant to be and I’d hate for you be anything less.”

Wren was letting Johnny down.

These past years she’d been imposing extreme restraint on herself, her emotions, and her life.It was everything he’d tried to encourage hernotto do.Very similar to the mold her parents had tried to force her to fit into.She’d been screwing up.

Now that her wounds were scarred over, because she couldn’t imagine they’d ever heal entirely, it might be time to try again.To honor Johnny by being the woman he’d recognized within her.

Wren withdrew the autographed backstage pass from her pocket.She kissed the foiled paper, then tucked it against Johnny’s stone, using a rock to hold it in place close to him or at least as close as she could get these days.

Of course that brought to mind new visions.Ones where Johnny morphed into Kason.It felt weird, but also sort of natural.She imagined what it might be like to kiss him, feeling the prickle of his scruff against her cheek while they swayed together.

It wasn’t long before another vision joined the first.What if Jordan was there?What if he sandwiched her between them and finally gave her what he’d been withholding?Or better yet, what if he was the one kissing Kason?

Wren gasped as she imagined how hungry he would be.

Because if she felt like a starving woman, how much worse would it be to have never tasted what you craved so desperately?

She shuddered, hating that even now she gave a fuck about Jordan and his feelings.

This was pointless.Dwelling on the past forced her to relive her agony, over and over.It didn’t bring Johnny back; it only made her miserable.

Wren bolted to her feet before knuckling away a tear.She patted the top of the marble marker, letting her fingers drag all the way to the edge before they fell away, leaving her empty handed once more.“Goodbye, Johnny.I promise I’m going to dance enough for us both.”

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