Page 61 of Slow Ride

Jordan nodded.“And when you sang ‘Secret Love’, I swear I almost lost it right there in the front row.”

“I noticed.”Kason winced.“And so did my manager.They had a photo of that moment in the article he called me out over.”

“Fuck, really?”

Kason set down his fork and wiped his hands on his linen napkin.“Yeah.And you know what?I saved it to my phone and looked at it about a thousand times since then.Want to see?”

He was already hauling his phone out of his back pocket.

Wren held her breath.

When he tapped the screen a few times then turned the device around, she gasped.Jordan cursed.It was plain.Their eyes were locked and the expression on Jordan’s face was overwhelmed with emotion—longing, loneliness, grief, unspent passion.Everything the song was about.

Kason was reflecting it right back as he poured his heart out into the song and into the crowd.

“Damn.”Wren wiped her mouth.

“I can see why your manager was pissed.”Jordan frowned.“This could ruin your reputation as a stud, and I know that’s important to your image.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that and I’m starting to wonder if I really care.In the beginning, my music was only for me.A way to escape the shithole my life was growing up.I’ve done that.Even if I never make another album or sell out another stadium.”Kason stared at the elaborate house around them for a few moments.Then he said, “It’s time to admit there are other things on my bucket list.”

“Like what?”Wren asked.

“Like getting to ride the motorcycles I collect, and traveling to more places outside the country, and having a family someday, and…falling in love.”He looked her in the eyes before turning to Jordan and doing the same.“But I think I might already be on the way to checking that one off.Twice.”

He laid his hands on the table, palms up.Wren put hers on top of one and Jordan did the same with the other.To make sure they were clear, she said, “I am, too.After Johnny, I swore to myself I’d never do that again.Never put myself in a position where I could get burned so badly, but…here we are.”

Jordan cleared his throat.“You know, Kason, we have more in common than you realize.I’m at a crossroads, too.Yesterday, I wrote a resignation letter.Now I have to decide if I’m going to hand it in when my leave is up on Monday.I don’t want to go backward, to keep being miserable, but I’m scared shitless to make the call.If I’m not Special Agent Mikalski, then who the fuck am I?”

Wren leaned halfway across the table.“Seriously?What the hell happened?You used to love being an agent.Has that changed?”

“I guess a lot has.The agency doesn’t stand for what it used to.It’s a toxic environment right now, and although I know that means I should stay and fight, I’m getting sidelined more and more.I’m already in the office instead of the field, and pretty soon they’re going to find a way to force me out.It’s better if I leave on my own terms, I think.”

“What else would you want to do if you had the choice?”Kason asked as he held Jordan’s hand tight, grounding him.If they clung together they would be so much less likely to break apart.

“I’ve been thinking about setting up a security consulting firm.”He shrugged.“I talked to Van about it some and I’ve been emailing with this guy, Andersen, a private investigator who’s helped out the Hot Rods in the past.They think it’s a solid idea.I also had a conversation with Tom—”

Kason interrupted, “He’s Eli’s dad, right?The guy who adopted the Hot Rods?”

Wren nodded, and Jordan said, “Yeah.He’s married to Nola and Amber’s mom, Ms.Brown, now.He lost his first wife to cancer when Eli was young, then continued her work at the youth shelter.I think I’d like to start an outreach program for kids wondering where they fit in the neat boxes of straight or gay, to raise awareness about bisexuality or pansexuality or polyamory—the gray areas that get lost sometimes—or the fact that labels don’t really matter.I want as many people still trying to figure how they’re built to know it’s okay to accept themselves for however they’re wired and to love whoever they want.Maybe if I’d had some positive reinforcement about stuff like that, I wouldn’t have fucked up so badly before.”

There was dead silence for a minute as Wren tried desperately not to bawl.Jordan seemed to tense, waiting for criticism that sure as hell would never come from her, and Kason appeared to be thinking hard.She wondered if he was wishing he’d met future-Jordan or someone like him when he’d been in his formative years.It seemed like he really could have used a role model.

“Could I help you with that?”she said when she could finally squeeze the words out of her tight throat.“It sounds perfect.I’d love to work at the center with you.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.With you, I can do anything.”Jordan looked at Kason then, as if seeking his approval when Wren knew he already had it.

“I don’t have the luxury of time, but I’d be honored if you’d let me fund the program.”Kason had to pause before he continued, “I want every person who might be like us to feel the way I do right now—in awe of their lovers and bursting with a joy like they’ve never imagined before.A happiness they could never find by looking in the wrong places their whole lives.”

Jordan shot to his feet, his chair shoving back from the table.“I have to…I’m going to take the dishes to the kitchen.”

He gathered the plates, then put his back to them as he carried them to the kitchen sink, though not before Wren saw the shimmer in his eyes that solidified her resolve to bring them together before they left the sanctuary of Kason’s home and the bubble they were in tonight.

While Jordan was out of earshot, Wren squeezed Kason’s hand to get his attention and murmured, “What are your plans for the rest of the evening?”

“Are you asking if I want to sleep with you?”He swallowed hard.

Wren nodded.“MeandJordan.Yeah.I think you know by now that’s what I want.But I’m not sure if you’re ready tonight, or if you’ll ever be.It’s okay if you aren’t.”

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