Page 4 of Slow Ride

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say.

Wren paused then, blinking up at him as though she didn’t recognize his monotone voice.Hell, he didn’t either.Neither did he recognize the distance that wedged between them, tearing them apart.

“This wasn’t your fault…” she began.

“It should have been me,” he told her, refusing to lie.

“He knew the dangers.He did this job anyway.”Wren sniffled.“That’s what makes both of you heroes.”

“I’m no hero.”Jordan put Wren to the side.He paced the entryway until she grabbed his hand, tugging him toward the kitchen.More memories assaulted him, reminding him of the nights they’d danced, joked, and fucked in what should have been their home.

Wren shoved him into the recliner he and Johnny had rescued from the side of the road one night before garbage pickup.Then she climbed into his lap.She smothered him in hugs and gentle kisses that felt like the ultimate betrayal to Johnny, who’d been the seductive one in their duo.

“Wren, don’t.”He clasped her narrow waist and set her away from his chest, hoping he could draw in the breath required to make her understand.

“I needed you.Didn’t you need me?”She bit her lip as if she could keep the words from flying into the gap he’d deliberately put between them again.It would be too easy to erase that space.To give in.To make things worse.

How could he admit it without harming her further?He couldn’t so he didn’t.“I was lost.”

Still was.Might always be.

Wren nodded slowly, her hair falling forward to frame her gorgeous face.“Can you tell me…anything?About what happened?”

Jordan winced.He could, but he didn’t want to.Unless that’s what it would take for her to get it.To understand why he didn’t deserve her.Why he couldn’t do this anymore.He drew in a shaky breath past the iron bands that had been constricting his chest since he’d witnessed the light going out of Johnny’s green eyes.

“If it’s too hard—”

“There was a double agent.He told the smugglers where we’d be.”Jordan spit out the details in staccato blasts that reminded him of the shots that had rained down on them.“I went in first.Something tipped Johnny off.He roared.Dragged me back and threw himself over me.”

Wren’s lip quivered between her teeth.Her chin wobbled.Then tears dripped off her cheekbones as she began to shake all over.

“They got him here.”His fingers touched the spot where blood had sprayed from Johnny’s neck like the garden hose Jordan had run over with the lawn mower last summer.He’d never seen so much blood.So fast.There hadn’t been anything they could do to stop it.“It was over in a matter of seconds.”

The longest damn seconds of his life.

Jordan could swear he and Johnny had an entire conversation in the glance they’d exchanged.But he hadn’t so much as whispered the only words that had mattered in his best friend’s dying moments.I love you.

He hadn’t realized he was crying too until Wren leaned in and kissed the trail of his tears, attempting to take away his pain as easily as the moisture there.Impossible.

But her touch did dull the ache a tiny bit.So he gave in and let her hold him, and let himself embrace her, too.He rocked her against his chest until she shifted, her long legs overflowing the recliner.Then he stood, holding her as he moved without thought, carrying her toward the bedroom.

He’d only meant to make her more comfortable.To put her somewhere she didn’t have to be scrunched up and awkward.

Except, when he set her down and she refused to unwind her arms from his neck, he went with her onto the soft, warm bed where they’d made love so many times that his body responded with muscle memory.

It was impossible not to mix up the past and the present, to recall how much hope and joy he’d had a week ago.He wanted to be that man again, if only for a moment.

Wren, never a passive lover, was thrashing beneath him, kicking off her sweats and wriggling out of her shirt.Thankfully, she hadn’t been wearing anything beneath her clothes.He paused to drink in the sight of her pale skin and the flush of her nipples before ripping his own shirt off as she unfastened his jeans.

It was rushed.Hurried.With no time to think or regret or second guess.

With a few more brusque motions, he was naked and they were pressed together skin-on-skin from their collarbones to their ankles.He nearly rolled to his side, giving Johnny room to spoon her from behind, to wrap her in his arms as Jordan filled her again and again.Until he realized that wasn’t how this was going to go.

Not tonight.And not ever again.

Jordan hesitated, but Wren didn’t allow him to disengage.She wrapped her fist around his cock and pumped it until it was fully hard.Then she guided him between her legs and lifted her hips up, working him the barest bit inside her.

Jordan groaned.His muscles flexed of their own accord.He buried himself in her pussy, trying to warm himself in her heat.Wren slung her arm around his shoulders and held him close.She screamed his name and clutched him to her heaving chest.

---