Page 28 of The Close-Up (Hollywood Renaissance 1.50)

“What does that mean? What you ’bout, Tee?”

“The night before the championship game, Cliff had the team over for dinner.”

“Yeah, and?”

“That’s the night I met Naz, and something clicked with us. We talked for hours up on the roof.”

“And you kissed him?”

“Yeah, and it was like… I don’t know. Girl, it was like magic.” I chuckle self-consciously, knowing how fanciful I must sound to my notoriously pragmatic older sister.

“Why am I just now hearing ’bout this?”

“Really, Neecey? Naz’s name was mud in our house. It’s not like he and I had a relationship. We had a connection. It felt real and good and like potential, but after what happened, I couldn’t do that to Cliff.”

“And you just ran into him at the show after all this time?”

“I literally tripped and fell into his arms.” I pour a generous serving of coffee in one of my many Breakfast at Tiffany’s mugs, this one sporting a sketch of Holly Golightly wearing her sleep mask.

“And you got to talk after the show?”

“There was an after-party at Lotus’s house, and he kind of dragged me downstairs to the pool room.”

“Did you do it on a pool table?” Janice gasps, and I can’t discern if she’s outraged or delighted. Probably torn.

“No, I told you we just kissed, but it was like one of those kisses you dream about. It was a lot like the first time we kissed, but he’s more confident now. More aggressive.”

“And you love that hard shit. Let me guess. That vibrator I gave you for Christmas got a workout last night.”

“No.”

“This morning?”

“Neecey, will you stop?” I laugh. “Though I must admit…best present ever.”

“I also gave you a bottle of rosé. Vibrations and libations.”

“That rosé was bomb, and somehow, even though it’s not even my favorite vibe, it’s become like my lucky charm.” I take a slurpy sip of my coffee. “Even when I go on trips and know I won’t use it, I still take it with me.”

“Now that is weird. All us kids need therapy.”

“I feel like we’re getting way off topic here. I did not use the vibrator.” I used my hand, and it didn’t help. “But Naz was the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep and the first thing I thought about when I woke up. He wants to see me. Like, take me out or whatever.”

“And you said?”

“No, of course.”

“Why ‘of course’? I’m sick and damn tired of you complaining about the people you meet on Unhinged.com. This is the most excitement I’ve heard from you ever about anyone.”

“It’s not that simple, and you know that. Cliff’s recovery is so fragile. I don’t want to do anything that will set him back.”

In the quiet that follows, I imagine she’s reliving the horror of Cliff’s overdose. We both rushed home, me from LA and Janice from Chicago, where her family lives now. Mama was inconsolable. Daddy was pissed but also terrified.

“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” Janice finally whispers.

“Exactly,” I say, taking my coffee back to the bedroom. “I can’t do anything to risk that happening again.”

“Look, I get it, but we both know Naz had nothing to do with Cliff’s shit. He brought that on himself. Why should you ignore an attraction as strong as it sounds like this one is because Cliff might not like it?”

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