Page 34 of Steal Me (Rebel Hearts Heists 1)
We didn’t use protection.
Now, when I was with Pierce before, I was always on some form of birth control because the idea of having his children … it felt wrong to me even then. But since moving here, I haven’t seen a doctor or filled a prescription because I didn’t want to be in the system anywhere with the risk that Pierce could find me. Fuck. I don’t even realize how rigidly I’m sitting in my seat until River places a hand on my leg and I jump slightly.
He offers me a concerned look but I just bury my head in my hands and pretend to rest my eyes, because it’s either that or I’ll probably cry. Apparently that’s the trend. Shit. I know this isn’t going to end well. I mean he hasn’t asked or brought it up either, but I should have remembered. He’s going to be furious, I mean absolutely upset. He had just finished explaining to me how much responsibility he feels toward what’s left of his family and how stressful it is … and we had unprotected sex. Risking more responsibility for both of us.
No.
I wouldn’t put that on him, if I got pregnant I would just keep that to myself. I wouldn’t bother him with it. But fuck then I’d be keeping his child from him. That wouldn’t be right either. I can feel tears forming. Shit. There’s no positive to this situation, no easy fix and deep down I know that I need to talk to River about this, that we’re both equally responsible for getting swept up in the moment.
I have no idea how long we’ve been driving for but my guess is around two hours. My voice is raspy as I speak with my face still buried in my hands. “Royce, could you stop at a gas station? I’m feeling a bit sick. I need a minute.”
Instead of him responding, I feel the car slow and it’s a few minutes until we come to a complete stop. Instantly, I’m sliding past River without looking at him and I walk inside, keeping my hood up. I nearly make it to the bathroom before I feel someone tug on my arm and my body is plastered to Royce’s chest in a quick movement.
“Royce,” I whisper, not looking up. “I need some space.”
His rough palm tilts my chin up and his eyes widen at whatever he sees there. “Sloane, what is going on?”
“Nothing.” I whisper, feeling my breathing rate increase and a chill runs over my skin. “I just need a minute, please?”
He nods slowly and releases me, as I close the bathroom door, biting down on my knuckles to not release the stifled sob I’ve been keeping bottled up inside me for days now. I shake myself and use the washroom, trying to breathe and to not think about all the issues awaiting me. I need to tell River, right? This can’t wait.
I open the bathroom door and instantly meet River’s gaze from across the hallway. He frowns and crosses the tiled floor, pulling me from the doorway and toward a bench nearby. I don’t say anything as he sits next to me.
“Kitten …” He whispers, “I didn’t mean to push you earlier …” Honestly, if one of them mentions feeling bad about ‘pushing me’ again, I’m going to lose it. Nice thought, but we have much bigger issues to deal with.
“It wasn’t that, River. You didn’t,” I explain meeting his gaze.
“Why do you look like you’re about to cry then?” His jaw is clenched as he grasps my chin in a firm but comforting hold. So I tell him the truth. I say it looking at the tile wall over his shoulder because I can’t meet his gaze.
“We didn’t use protection.”
His entire body freezes and any hope I had for this being a good conversation dissolves into ashy sadness. I feel his grip loosen on my jaw and this time I meet his gaze preparing myself for the worst. It don’t see anger in his gaze. There’s nothing there. His expression is completely schooled.
“You aren’t on anything?” He asks quietly.
“Even if I were, it isn’t like you guys were like ‘oh hey Sloane, let’s stop by your dorm before we kidnap you to pick up any meds you need.’ I snarl.
His eyebrows go up and I shrug, standing up. “Plus you didn’t ask or bring it up either.”
River is silent, his face now more serious than I’ve seen it in some time. After a minute of him not saying anything, the tears begin to gather and I give up trying to be strong. I turn on my heels leaving him in his silence as I make my way toward the car, hot tears threatening to spill out. I practically slam into someone on the way through the glass door, but make it back to our SUV and climb inside. Instantly, I curl into the corner of the bench and pull my feet up.
Kaden offers me a concerned look but it’s Royce that asks, “Everything okay?”
Before I can respond, River is back and slides into the very back row. Good. Solid. Blaine follows and a bit of fear crashes through me, realizing from the gaze he has focused on me, that he definitely heard us. I watch him slide in next to me and it makes me feel marginally better when he places an arm around me.
Then the panic really hits. My palms feel clammy and sweat breaks out on the back of my neck, causing my stomach to turn. I grip the leather seat underneath me as a full blown panic attack rolls over me. Holy shit, I haven’t had one of these in forever.
They used to hit all the time, whenever I was worried that Pierce was mad at me. Now, I just can’t stop thinking about this going bad. What if Royce and the others, after finding out about River and I decide that it’s better to get rid of me? What if the only thing that has been keeping me alive was the possibility that they might get to fuck me? I feel bile rise up in my throat. What if River decides that he wants me gone or thinks that I slept with him only to ensure that I would live? Fuck. I shiver and the truth of how bad my situation really is crashes over me like a fucking tidal wave. I rely on them so completely. For everything. I’m now in so deep and the situation is so complicated that I feel like I’m drowning. I begin shaking and feel a bout of nausea hit me as we pull over to the side of the road. I’m confused as to why the voices around me seem muted until Blaine pulls me out of the car, where I empty the little food I had today into the grassy surroundings. Bless his heart, Blaine holds my hair back and whispers soft words as the other noises around me grow louder.
“Will all of you shut the fuck up?” Blaine commands “She’s having a fucking panic attack and you’re yelling in her ear. Go over there if you want to act like idiots.” I have no idea what he’s talking about but when my stomach feels marginally better, I sink against him and swish some water he offers me, rinsing my mouth. The man then really wins me over when offers me a travel size mouthwash. Could he be more perfect? After, he pulls me into his lap as I curl up against him, glad I threw up away from the car. I wouldn’t want to make them more upset.
They literally hold my life in their hands and I’m over here fucking around. This is it. I’m going to lose them and I shouldn't even feel so heartbroken over that, given how this whole situation began.
“You pushed her,” Royce yells, my ears finally popping.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about as usual!” River growls. Kaden comes to stand next to me, his large hand massaging the back of my neck as I now sink against him.
“So you two didn’t sleep together?” Royce snarls.
