Page 38 of An Alaskan Twin Surprise (Home to Owl Creek 2)

“Gabriel, I know you love all aspects of flying, but this sounds dangerous to me.”

Surprise flared in his eyes. “I’m a good pilot, Rachel. I know how to minimize the risks.”

His tone was defensive. A tremor in his jaw drew her attention. Gabriel was probably hurt that she was raising her concerns rather than telling him she was proud of him. If only she could. If only she didn’t feel so scared.

“I know that, but—”

“But what?” he asked, his tone on edge. “Why can’t you trust in that?”

“Accidents happen,” she spit out. “I know that all too well.”

Her lips were quivering with emotion. She felt anxious merely thinking about Gabriel spending so much of his professional life flying in far-flung areas, some of which had no landing strips, challenging weather and unforgiving terrain. He would constantly be in peril.

“I worried that you hadn’t moved past this. When we flew to Anchorage you were shaking like a leaf.” His voice had a little bit of edge to it. “I should have known you were still stuck.”

“I tried to push through it, largely due to your help and my desire for Mama to have the surgery. But I haven’t been able to shake those fears, Gabriel. It’s not as if I can snap my fingers and make the trauma go away. Don’t you think I would if I could?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, regret sounding in his tone. “I didn’t mean to suggest you can just get over it, even after all these years, but I’d hoped...prayed things were different now.”

She shook her head. “I am different, but I still have fears. Anxiety.”

He ran a hand over his face. “I thought we were in a place where we could pick up the pieces and try to move forward.”

Looking him in the eye felt like torture. “I did too, but I can’t...not like this. Not when I’d have to be afraid all the time and wondering if you were safe. What kind of life would that be?”

“Are you saying you don’t think you can be with me?” he asked in a hurt tone.

She looked over at the girls as they slept in their stroller. They were so innocent and trusting. She wasn’t in this alone now. Any choices she made would affect Lizzy and Faith. From the moment they had taken their first breaths she’d made them her first priority. “I don’t see a way for us, Gabriel. Not with this standing between us.”

Although she spoke the words quietly, they landed with a bang. She could see the impact of her admission in Gabriel’s eyes. They were flat, as if all the light had been extinguished from them. It made her want to take back what she’d said and throw herself in his arms, but she knew nothing between them would be solved by giving in to raw emotion.

“You know how I feel about flying. Giving it up isn’t a choice for me,” he said, anguish echoing in his voice. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life. It’s what I was born to do.”

“I know. And you shouldn’t have to,” she whispered, wishing things were different. But no matter how she looked at it, Gabriel devoting so much of his time to being a bush pilot was a terrifying concept. She wanted to kick herself for going down this road with Gabriel. Why had she even allowed herself to believe in second chances? Here she was, hurting him all over again.

Gabriel looked devastated. And angry. She imagined he must have looked like this when she’d run away from Owl Creek. That time, she’d been able to avoid looking into his eyes and seeing the heartbreak, but this time she couldn’t look away. And it was killing her to see him so completely shattered.

He sucked in a deep breath. “I guess you’ve made yourself clear.”

She nodded, not trusting herself to say another word. If she opened her mouth, she might crumble into a million little pieces. Hope was a precious commodity, and in a matter of minutes it had evaporated. No matter how much things changed, some things were still the same. It didn’t matter how much she loved this man or how deeply she wanted to fix the mistakes of the past. It wasn’t possible for them to be together. In order to truly move on with her life, she had to accept it just wasn’t meant to be and deal with her own bruised heart.

Gabriel walked away with his shoulders down and a stunned expression on his face. He looked as if every ounce of life had been drained from him. She’d done this, she realized. Once again she had crushed Gabriel and broken his spirit.

As if on autopilot, Rachel steered the stroller down the street, pausing to chat with various townsfolk who stopped to say hello or commented on the girls. If not for what had just happened between her and Gabriel, Rachel would feel content in every way imaginable. Instead, she felt as if her world was imploding a little bit more with every step she took.

Gabriel wasn’t the only one who had been torn apart. Rachel herself felt as if someone had ripped her heart out of her chest. And much like the last time, there wasn’t really anything she could do but wait for it to heal, even though she feared it never would.

* * *

Gabriel had spent a restless night tossing and turning in his bed. He had replayed the scene with Rachel dozens of times in his head. None of it sat right with him. It felt as if she’d pulled the rug out from underneath him. How could he not have seen it coming? Rachel was putting obstacles in their way once again. Perhaps the truth was she just wasn’t that interested in a future with him and was using this as an excuse. It was a painful realization.

He’d stepped out on a limb of faith, and as a result, he felt like the world’s biggest fool.

He needed to keep himself busy so thoughts of Rachel didn’t creep into his consciousness.

For him there was never any question about how to clear his head. He went to the hangar and settled himself in the cockpit of his De Havilland Beaver before taking off into the cloudy skies. It had always been like this with him, from the moment he’d earned his pilot’s license. People always asked him why he flew planes. Being born and bred in Alaska made him curious to see the entire state—experiencing it by plane was the best way to see a large portion of it. From the moment he’d taken his first solo flight to Fairbanks, Gabriel had been hooked. How could he even think about giving it up? Didn’t Rachel know what that would do to him? It would make him a shell of himself.

By the time he landed back at the hangar he felt a bit more centered. Life would go on as it had been doing for the past three years. He’d had joy in his life thanks to the three F’s—friends, family and flying. Gabriel knew he would pick himself up again and go back to the way things were before Rachel’s return to Owl Creek. But his heart would be a little bit more impenetrable now. He couldn’t imagine letting anyone else in. Not ever.

---