Page 53 of Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints)

Things about him stick out to me that shouldn’t. How impossibly tall he is, and how beautiful, even at his scariest. My spine is taut with tension as I wait for him to turn all that violent energy on me. For him to rouse that sleepy, primal part of me that all those years of prayer and community service were meant to suppress. He alone brings every dangerous impulse to the surface, and I wonder if this is how Eve felt while gazing at the apple of knowledge.

Like the one thing everyone else told her to run away from, she was compelled to chase. Reach for. Experience in full, no matter the cost. But while Eve’s transgression damned the entire human race, the only casualty of my selfishness will be me. The only one damned isme.

Being with Daze will destroy me—I know it in my soul. Just as surely as I know that I deserve everything I have coming to me for turning my back on Hale when he needed me most. But the hardest part to reconcile is how much I crave that destruction.

So, I provoke him, though admittedly, I’m not sure why he would take offense to this question. “Who are you, really?”

Perhaps not the deadbeat, carefree person he pretends to be.

“You hinted to Silas that there was a reason you stayed away from Sammy. What is it?”

He whips around, those stormy eyes flashing. After a momentary hesitation, he keeps going, storming into the kitchen. “I’m not in the mood, Frey—”

“I’m not trying to start a fight,” I clarify. “I just want to know.”

Something in my tone makes him stop short. His back is to me, his head cocked, shoulders radiating tension. “Who am I,” he begins in a low tone. All at once, he whirls on me, and I’m paralyzed, rooted to the couch cushions. “Didn’t you hear them? I’m a coward. A shitty fucking excuse for a father. A traitor—”

“You helped me,” I point out, though I’m not sure if it’s meant to counter his argument. Perhaps saving me was yet another crime added to his growing list. He lied to me. Went against Hale’s wishes. He lured me into his safe harbor even though he didn’t have to.

Why? Out of the kindness of his heart? A part of me scoffs at that.Of course not.

“Why?” I ask him outright.

He comes closer, his eyes heavy-lidded, his jaw clenched tight. After observing me for a long moment, he shrugs. “Why not?”

“But that’s not it,” I say. Feeling bold, I stand up and take a step toward him. What I witnessed in the bar was a mere fraction of the turmoil he feels inside. I used to pride myself on being available to anyone in need. Why stop now? “You wanted something from me,” I add. “Didn’t you?”

He sighs and rakes a hand through his shorn hair, revealing how uneven a trim it is. “And if I did?”

“I want to help you,” I admit. Why? I have no idea. “Tell me what’s wrong. I won’t judge you. Just talk to me.”

“Talk?” He’s even closer. Without warning, his hand shoots out, grabbing my chin. It’s such a gentle touch that I stiffen in shock. He can be so disarming when he wants to be. So unexpected from the fire and brimstone I’d always believed would follow any sin I chose to commit.

“We can start with why everyone keeps mentioning you being in prison.”

His upper lip quirks into a devious smirk, but the amusement doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Almost in prison. I have Silas and your father to thank for that.”

I blink. “Because of his campaign?”

“You know what, I don’t want to talk,” he murmurs, boring his gaze into mine. “Give me your phone.”

“W-what?”

He holds out his hand, palm side up. “Trust me.” He takes my phone and immediately shakes his head. “No passcode?”

I don’t understand the reasoning behind his scoff. “Why would I need a passcode?”

He looks away. Focusing on the screen, he suddenly tenses. After swiping at the screen, he looks up to meet my questioning stare. “I turned your location services off.”

“Why?”

“So, you can’t be easily tracked.”

“What do you mean?”

“And I’m shutting it off,” he states, powering it down before placing it inside a kitchen drawer. “To be safe.”

I anxiously blink up at him. “Okay.”

---