Page 3 of Going Dark

My cheeks flame up again and from the way my face is heating my whole head must be red. How stupid can one nineteen-year-old be? If you look at my past, a fuck ton of stupid, that's how much. What sucks so much is the painful, bitter memory always comes back to taint the others so even though I start out remembering a good time my mind takes me back to my colossal fuck up. Every time.

This is why none of the women in the romance books me and Ana read do this sort of shit. They proceed with caution and worry about their hearts. I can't give a big enough huff of air to convey how stupidly annoying that is. Because I wasn't like those women. I didn't get my man at the end of the story. I didn't try to protect my heart when I went into his room. All I was thinking about was losing him and how I wanted him to know how much I loved him, how much he mattered to me.

Stupid, stupid girl! I got what I deserved for not being like those women. I got my heart squashed. Like the slime kids play with, it just smooshed under his feet, and then to make matters worse I had to learn why all those women were cautious. I had to live with the fact that I was told to grow up and put my clothes back on while I watched him go off and do who knows who. I had to stay and wonder if any day I was going to have to listen to his mom and sister talk about him being killed or worse, married to someone else. I had to grin and bear the fact that a part of my life - a big damned part - was over.

I also had to change the way I lived because of that night. No more stupid sister's-brother-turns-into-lover-hot-romance books. Ever! When he is home I am 'busy' and try to make Ana come to me. I take precautions to be around him as little as possible and when I do happen to be in the same place as him I quickly find a reason to leave. It has meant giving my best friend up for a few days every now and then but Alex never stays for long so it was just something I needed to learn to handle. Except now, he isn't going away. Now he is staying and I worry Ana and I won't have the closeness we once had and it's all my fault. If I had just kept my big mouth shut about how much I loved him both of us could have gone on living like nothing was happening but no! I had to tell him. I had to let him know. If someone was looking at the biggest regrets of a lifetime then me telling him how much I love him was the biggest and dumbest.

I flop down on my bed and wait for the pain of the past to ease. Having him next door is not going to be easy. Luckily Alex never stays in one place for long. He says he is going to stay but Alex never stays in any one place for too long. I just have to wait him out. I roll to my back and think of all I have to do tonight to push out thoughts of the boy next door.

I reluctantly stand up and rummage for comfy nightclothes. The day could not have been over soon enough for me. I had four classes and two meetings with my advisor. I want to make sure I can graduate early. I don't think about what I am doing when I yank my shirt over my head and start walking around the room to gather the stuff I am going to need for my shower. I lose my pants next and walk around in my bra and panties. I'm about to reach for the hooks on my bra when my phone stops me. Not only did it ding it also lit up. I reach across my bed where I threw it when I came in.

On my screen is the smiling face of Alex. He isn't in my phone as Alex but as Ace. One, I want to know how he got my number and two, why the hell would he be calling me.

"What do you want?" I'm not going to pretend to be nice when I have to deal with him.

"Not that I am not loving the show but I am mad as fuck that you don't close your curtains, baby!"

"What?" My mind is completely blank on what he is talking about.

"You really need to back off your bed and walk to your window and close your fucking curtains before I come back over there and when I do I won’t be leaving."

"Oh! My! God!" I finally realize what he is talking about but I swear I am frozen exactly where I am. My head turns and I can see that I forgot to close my curtains and with my light on someone can look right through my window. That someone being Alex since his window is right across from mine. It was never much of a problem because he wasn't ever home, damn it.

I forgot that he can look into my bedroom. There was a time I used it to try to provoke him into telling me he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I would purposefully stand in front of my bare window and undress just to see if he would be watching. I never really got the courage up to go all the way during my little stripteases. I would wait until my bra was about to slip off my shoulders and move out of the way.

Now after years of not giving anyone a show this night has to fucking happen. I am just doomed to make a fool out of myself around him and do it naked so my death due to embarrassment is so much worse.

"Sweetheart, listen to me, okay. You're going to back off the bed and walk to the window to fix the curtains. It's not that bad. Like being in a bathing suit and I've seen you and Ana in hundreds of bathing suits over the years."

Did he really just liken my lacy pink bra and panties to seeing his sister in a bathing suit? Yeah, all of a sudden I don't feel so mortified about this. I stand and walk to the window.

"Quit looking into my room, you fucking perv." I really need to think about finding a boyfriend. Having someone to think about other than him, someone who thinks of me as something other than a kid sister would do my ego wonders. Maybe I could hint to Ana about finding someone and see if she knows anyone. I fight with the ties to get them undone. I resort to just yanking them from the wall.

Doesn't matter if they are torn and will never hold the curtains back again. As long as he is home I am never going to open my curtains again.

"Now, darlin', there was a time you enjoyed putting on a show for me nightly."

"There was a time someone else had to wipe my ass for me but guess what Alex, I grew up and I don't need that anymore!" I hang up on him before he can say another word. I think his whole job in life is to try to cause me to commit murder. What the hell am I supposed to do if Alex decides he wants to play with me while he has time to kill? Will I be able to resist up against someone I once wanted so very much? And what happens if I can't? Am I just screwed, doomed to a broken heart because of him? I flop back on my bed as the questions without answers swirl in my head. Damn it, I need to make sure Alex can't fuck my life up ever again.

3

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Ace

It's been a fucking week. A week of waiting for her to come home every night so I could try to make it across the street before she goes in. Trying in vain to get her attention. If I was a lesser man I would have given up by now but all this has made me do is want more. She thinks she is so fucking sneaky coming in late and leaving early but the shit I've done trained me for this kind of thing. I know the second she gets home. Probably because I put a little sensor under her gravel when she was gone one day that pings my phone when she leaves or comes home.

I've tried everything short of asking mom and Ana to intervene on my behalf and I'm about to be that fucking desperate. The only reason I haven't is that I don't want to force them to take sides. One, I worry they would choose me over her and I want her to have people on her side, wanting what is best for her. And two, I'm not so certain if they will take my side. What if they think we shouldn't be together for whatever stupid fucking reason? What then?

No, I have to do this on my own. A solo mission. That's what has me out here on her porch so fucking late. If I'm here she can't run away from me. She can't run and hide with a polite smile and a shitty excuse about being busy. No more excuses. No more beating around the bush. Evie has always been a stubborn girl, her not seeing what is right in front of her is her way of getting back at me for the time I shut her down. I see that. So I am going to have to do something to make her realize this time I'm not going any fucking where.

Her headlights flash across the porch and my heart starts picking up speed like it does when I'm ready to take off in a fucking jet. I'm not sure what this girl has done to me or if it's always been this way between us and I just shoved it aside but things have changed. The adrenaline rush I used to get flying is now the same as when I see her or when I'm about to go toe to toe with her.

She comes up on the porch with her arms full of bags again. For a brief moment, I flashback to the first night and when she shut me down at the door. My mission tonight is to have her let me inside her damn house. I have to get her to let me in. If she lets me in I won't leave. I just won't leave. I know Evie and I know she isn't going to do anything about it either. IF I get inside I'm good.

Fuck being cool under pressure, fuck trying to figure this out. I want Evie and somewhere inside of her she still wants me too. She takes her time walking up the path to her door and the stairs of her porch. I see her phone in her hand, the light from the screen casting her face in a glow that softens her features until she looks like a tiny fairy. She starts to mumble about the message and tries to juggle her phone, her bags, and her house keys.

"You want some help?"

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