Page 17 of Going Dark

"No, who would say something to me? What does that even mean?"

"I don't know, it just seemed like maybe someone said something because you definitely didn't want to slow down last night. I was just wondering why you want to slam the breaks on all of a sudden."

I don't know how to tell him that I'm scared. I'm not even sure if I want him to know how badly I want what he's trying to give me. He has family in this world and I don't have anyone but Ana and his mom and even him. Even during the time we tried to keep our distance from one another I knew he would be there for me if I needed him. But if we break up that will all be gone.

"I need time to think about things. I just...," I can't finish.

"Time to think about what? I'm all about giving you time, baby, but not to let you talk yourself out of you and me which is what I think might be happening."

I forget sometimes that he knows me so well. "I just need to stop this. I can't anymore. It was all an accident. I'm sorry." I jerk my arm out of his hold and run up the stairs before he can say anything else or ask me any more questions.

By the time I'm at the top of the stairs I'm a mess of tears and snot. I took the smile off his face and all because I'm a coward and an idiot. I have to go to the bathroom to get myself under control before I meet with Ana. I text her and tell her I'm going to be a minute as I try to control the flow of tears. God! If it hurts this bad to break things off with him now what would it be like if it was later on in our relationship? It would kill me.

I come out of the bathroom and can only hope that I don't look as bad as I think I do. When I look in the mirror one last time before I leave I can tell I've been crying but maybe Ana won't realize something is wrong as soon as she looks at me. Before I can take two steps to my room arms wrap around my waist picking me up until my feet don't touch the ground and a big palm is over my mouth. For just a split second fear rips through me until I take a breath and recognize Ace's scent.

What the hell does he think he's doing? He carries me into the room he's staying in and uses his foot to shut the door. He lets me go so he can lock the door. I turn around to give him a piece of my mind when he stops me by taking the back of my head in his hand and pulls me into him. His lips crash down on mine, his tongue pushes inside my mouth before I can fully understand what is going on.

I try. I try to hold on to the plan I have. I try to remind myself to stay strong and that this has to be done. All of it does no good and I fall into him and lose myself.

"I'm not letting you run away because you're scared, baby." He starts walking me backwards to the bed. His words make me gasp. He knows exactly what's wrong. Why I am pulling away. "You got in your own head didn't you? Scared yourself. What was it...Ana? Mom?"

I try to pull back from him because he's too close to the truth, too close to what is going on in my head. "Ace...,"

"Don't, baby. Don't take this away from me because of your fear of us not lasting. Don't make me do without you after years and years of being stupid and denying myself, and you, what should have happened the day you turned eighteen." He takes my face between his hands so he can study me. I don't hide what I am feeling very well. If I were a spy I would be dead within a day. "Forget Mom and Ana. They have nothing to do with this, with us."

"How can you say that?" I pull free of his grasp and duck under his arms. "They have everything to do with this. If we don't work out you just go on with your life, you still have your sister and your mom but I won't have anybody anymore." I shut my mouth before the sob that is nearly choking me can burst out. It's bad enough the sting of tears burn my eyes and any minute now I'm going to be a leaky mess again.

"That's bullshit! And we both know it. My Mom would rip a hole in my ass a mile wide if she thought I was hurting you and Ana wouldn't speak to me ever again. I left and you stayed. You were here for Christmases and birthdays. They are more attached to you than they are me. So your reasons are bull shit!" He pushes his hands in his hair like he might pull it out at any minute.

"You were keeping us safe! It's not like you just left everyone to find yourself or some shit. You had a job to do. They understand that. So your reasons are bullshit."

"Yeah, and what good did it do anyone. My mom's house got shot up, I put all of you in danger, and...," he stops so abruptly I don't know if he's looking for more negative things to go on his list or if he's keeping one from me. I think it might be the latter.

"And?" I push because I have to know.

"And I still don't have you. I did the one thing I never wanted to do - bring this shit to your door; all the dark and the death and the danger - and I still don't have you. So what the fuck did it all matter? What was I fighting for?"

Ace never wanted this part of his life to touch me. The fear, the worry, the stress were all things he tried to keep away from me by pushing me away from him. "You didn't want me to leave that night."

I don't know if it's a question or a statement. I lean more towards statement. One I should have seen before now. "Fuck no! It nearly broke me sending you away but I couldn't offer you a life where I might not come home one day."

The sob wins and escapes but I can't worry about that. All I can see is Ace and all that he put up with to keep us safe while he did what he thought was right. I'm not sure which one of us moves first but both of us clash together in a flurry of kisses and hands yanking at clothes. His shirt is gone and tossed somewhere behind us. My shirt is ripped off of me, literally. Ace's big hands yank on either side of it until it is nothing more than rags he can jerk off of me. My pants are gone and he's ripping his belt out of the loops before my brain catches up to what we are doing.

"Ace," I have to talk around his kiss because he won't let me pull back too far, "we should slow down." He growls at the words. "I'm not saying stop, I just, um..." But if I wanted slow and easy I shouldn't have poked him with the idea of us not happening.

"We did slow, years and years of slow." He's backed me up to the bed again and this time I fall back on it with him following me down. His jeans are off and we're both in our underwear rubbing against each other and moaning at the sensations. He rears back and yanks the sides of my panties and they give much like my shirt did. "Fuck you have such a pretty, little pussy, baby. So soft and tight for me."

I can feel his hot gaze on me. His eyes are roving over my pink parts and making me wetter knowing he's looking at me. He's got my bra unlatched and off of me in no time. His mouth falls on mine like he's starved and I'm his last meal. His mouth drawing on first one and then the other has me moaning and pushing myself up so he can take in more of my boob.

I have always hated my breasts, they've gotten in the way a lot and I was such a tomboy growing up that it felt like they were more of a con than a pro but with Ace, for the first time I am super happy I have them. He seems to like them a lot. And I love the fact that he likes to touch and nibble on them. They seem to have a direct line to my clit built-in because when he is playing with them or sucking them I get so wet and needy for him.

He runs his hands up my body before coming up to kiss me again. It's a hungry kiss that makes me achy and leaves me restless. His hand cups my pussy and I am so needy for him that I orgasm before he can really do anything more. He drives me crazy in the best ways. My body knows his and gets me ready for him without him ever having to do anything. He doesn't take his mouth away from mine so when I cry out the sound is eaten up by his kiss.

"Fuck, you're beautiful when you cum." His words make me feel sexy and beautiful. I'm not some dorky little kid who only hangs out with his sister. I feel like he sees me for me.

"I want to see what you look like when you cum."

"Baby," he doesn't stop kissing me long enough to finish but it sounds desperate. He sounds desperate. Open-mouthed kisses trail down my body as he makes his way to my bare pussy. His mouth is on me before my body can settle down from the first orgasm. The man's tongue should be registered as a lethal weapon. It swipes up my middle before lingering on my clit. He puts just the right amount of pressure on it to make my thighs start shaking all over again. I throw my head back and let the sensations take me away. I've been waiting for so long for him to notice me and now he is here eating my pussy. There is definitely a sense of unrealness about it.

---