Page 20 of Going Dark

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Evie

Getting caught fucking in my kitchen by Ace's boss is maybe one of the most embarrassing things that has happened to me in a long time. I don't think it can get any worse. Maybe if his mom had walked in, but that's about the only way. Ace doesn't seem fazed by it at all. Other than being slightly pissed that Jim might have seen me naked or heard me moaning. Two things I refuse to think about.

Ace pulls me down to sit in his lap when I'm done bringing them a cup of coffee to the table. I have no idea why Jim is here. I have only met the man a hand full of times but usually, when he shows up it is because one of his men has found something or something big is about to happen. Two things I'm not sure I am ready for today.

"You find out who it was yet?" I'm shocked that Ace sounds like he was expecting him to come today.

"Yep."

"I figured you did. It doesn't usually take you long." I feel like the two of them are talking in some kind of code that is purposefully designed to go over my head and I don't like it.

"Figure what out? Did you know Jim would be here today?"

"Yes, I did. I want to find out who has the order out on our team and who is working on it so I can put this shit to rest, Evie."

Why now? Why does he want to move so quickly now? A couple of days ago he was fine letting them make the first move so why now? Is he tired of living here with me? Does he need his space? It certainly didn't feel like he needed his space just a few minutes ago. But Ace is like a cat sometimes - he needs that freedom that comes with doing and being his own thing.

"Don't look so upset, baby. I want to get this done and put it behind us. Things have changed and I want this gone so you don't have to worry about the threat anymore." He mentioned change so maybe he is just tired of sitting and waiting for something to happen. "This isn't how I want our life together to start and it isn't how I want to bring a kid into the picture either."

Kid? Kid. He mentioned children. It takes me a whole minute to process that he is talking about wanting to start a family with me. The man who leaves at the drop of a hat and who can't settle down wants to have children. With me. He keeps talking like he's not dropped a bomb on me.

"It won't be good for you if you are pregnant to have to put up with this shit and I just want things done."

"Why are you thinking about kids now?" I don't know where to start with my questions but this one seems as good as any.

"Because, Baby," his eyes widen in an expression that says I should be able to tell why but I'm not following. His hand drops to my stomach and a sinking feeling begins to form in the pit of my stomach. "I took you bare both times."

How could I be so stupid! Thank God he whispers low enough that I don't think Jim can hear our conversation. Enjoying what Ace did to my body made me go completely blind to the biggest concern I have right now. I jump up from his lap. "No! We are not having babies!"

His eyebrows shoot up so high they go missing under his hairline. His green eyes look at me and take me in. "You're just saying that because you're scared. I know. I'll fix this so you won't have to worry about someone coming to hurt you or our babies. I will."

"No!" God damn it, why can't he see that I can't start this family with him and then lose it. It doesn't even matter about what is happening with his career right now. Anything can take someone away from me; fires, car crashes...assassins, sure. "I don't want a family. I don't want...I don't want that. I thought...," Fuck I'm not sure what I thought because I wasn't thinking. All I could process was I had something I had wanted for years finally.

"Are you kidding me right now? What happened to you wanting to start a family with me so badly you can almost see the babies swinging in tire swings from the tree out back?"

"That was ages ago. That person doesn't exist anymore." I spit the words at him. At one time I wanted children so my mother and his could play with them but my mom is gone and so is that dream for me. I refuse to love someone so much it breaks me when they go.

I can tell by the look on his face that I must have said the last out loud. "So what the hell was last night? If you don't love me than what the fuck were you doing in my bed?"

I can't give him an answer because I don't have one. This was one of the things that had gotten me up so early this morning. He's up out of his chair so fast it falls back and hits the floor.

"What the hell? You just thought you could spend a couple of days fucking me and I would move on. No questions asked no worries or attachments. Is that what this was? Just a convenience thing for you. What? Were you tired of hanging on to the old cherry and thought I was the perfect candidate to pop it for you?"

I gasp at his words and quickly look over to where Jim was sitting but he must have gotten up to leave because all that is there now is an empty chair and a steamy cup of coffee. Thank God, since Ace clearly doesn't comprehend how to keep his fucking mouth shut.

"You don't have to tell everyone what happened last night? Can you lower your voice please?"

"Oh so now I'm a secret too. Tell me, Evie, is there any part of last night you aren't regretting? Because let me tell you, waking up to the person you really are makes me regret a whole hell of a lot."

My mouth falls open and my mind stops processing what he is saying. He's not a secret. I just need time to process what happened and to figure out how I feel about this. I didn't really think we were serious, like a girlfriend/boyfriend thing. I don't know what we were...are. I just thought I would have time to figure it out before he jumps to making babies and moving in permanently.

"It's not like that, Ace. I just...don't want...I just wanted something that wasn't complicated for a few days and then we can have the talk about where both of us see this going."

"Yeah," I can tell he is upset by how turbulent his eyes look. "Well, it was getting pretty damned serious for me until I found out you just wanted to see what you couldn't have five years ago and then move on."

Why can't he understand?

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